You know what I would really love?
Welcome back!
To hear your awful date stories. Start the week off right and unload some horror stories about the worst date you’ve ever been on. Give me some goodies that made you gag a little or think about pulling the fire alarm on the way to the bathroom.
Email me at charlotte@insidestorydating.com
How to survive the wonderful world of online dating
I had a little bit too much time on my hands while home for the holidays and I managed to do some serious damage on a few online dating sites.
First of all…I felt odd about the fact that I was meeting guys online instead in bars, the way that god intended. I really have no problem meeting guys in real life, but I just haven’t had much time to go out to bars, so the idea of thumbing through a catalog of men and seeing their pedigree up front was an idea that appealed to me.
A few of them look totally cute, educated, intelligent, funny, but as I’m learning, a 2-dimensional profile will never tell you everything that you want to know about someone.
I went on 4 dates with guys that I met online. None of them were fantastic, most of them plain sucked and one of them has left me with a sour stomach that made me immediately run home and delete my profile.
Here are some tips that I picked up along the way of charting this unknown territory.
1. Don’t be ashamed to say you’re dating online. When I actually opened up and talked about it, there were more people than I ever expected admitting to surfing the internets for true love. Or at least just a good lay.
2. Meet as soon as possible. Don’t talk over phone or IM. We as humans have this amazing ability to paint people to be exactly what we want them to be in our minds, so every little detail that they mention you will take as AMAZING PROOF YOU WERE MEANT TO BE.
3. Be honest with someone when you’re not interested. This is something you should follow in general, but it’s so much easier to ignore when you’re going out with people who you’ve met online. However, everyone’s 10 feet tall on the internet. I managed to get called a bitch for not responding to multiple text messages and IMs.
4. Don’t EVER commit to a dinner on a first date. There’s a pretty strong chance that you’re going to decide that you don’t like someone in the first 2 minutes. Dinner will only be an hour of your life that you will never get back. Extra points for mentioning something that you have to do immediately after the date so you have an easy exit.
5. Don’t get your hopes up. There is a much larger chance that you will spend the entire time crafting up extravagant schemes in your head so you can make a run for the door rather than thinking up names for your future offspring.
Even though I did have a somewhat awful experience with it, I’d still recommend trying it. I’m sure you’re a little curious. You only live once.
Some guys just make it so easy to say no
I’m clearly being tested on my resolution to not date the bad guys. Thankfully, they continue to make moves that are easy to resist.
Pierre sent me a facebook message, asking me when I was available to go for drinks. Drinks that I said I was good for TWO WEEKS AGO.
The last time I heard from him was when he had just gotten back from Paris. He happened to be in the office, for both a second interview and to discuss the terms of the purchase of his company. Before he came in, I got a text message saying that he was on the way to the office and wanted to know if I was interested in getting drinks soon. I wrote back that I was good for that week, just let me know when he was available.
Intense flirting, texting and grinning ensued while he was in the office and wasn’t talking to my boss. When he walked out, he shook my hand, gave me a sly smile and told me it was good to see me again, as always. That was the last I’d heard from him.
Until now.
With the added complications of buying his company and potentially working together, I told him that seeing him for drinks is obviously not a good idea. Not that I needed another reason to say no other than the fact that he took TWO WEEKS to ask me out.
I hope I can maintain this resolution when if we’re seeing each other every day.
Going for dinner with Ethan tonight.
David
I’m so done with David.
David is an entertainment lawyer who I started dating while I was still dating Ethan this summer. Unfortunately they run around in the same social circle, so they have some friends in common. Friends who may have let it slip that I was seeing both of them. I broke up with Ethan to start dating David.
He’s sexy and confident and would send me dirty text messages while I was at work. We had that great conversation style that just makes you smile for days after because you’re both so witty. He had a very busy work schedule, so I didn’t get to see him often, which was totally fine with me. I need my alone time and ideally I see someone I’m dating 1-2 times a week.
The best part though, was the sex. Best sex of my life. It’s hard to believe a 26 year-old can have that kind of skill, but his insane amount of confidence brought it over the edge.
I’m pretty lax about working around schedules for people that I really like, but after 5 months of dating, I was ready to take it up to the occasional 2 times a week with some cuddling on the couch, rather than just constantly going out for drinks, together or with friends.
In no uncertain terms, he let me know that he couldn’t commit to that, so I walked. Unfortunately, he didn’t try to hard to convince me not to go or put any effort into working me into his schedule.
That was almost 2 months ago. I’m not a girl that gets hurt often, but for the second time in my life, I found myself a little heartbroken. It still hurts to think about him. The text he sent on Friday was a little too soon for me to be unaffected by it.
After getting angry about his inability to apologize properly, I spent Saturday morning fuming. I composed a scathing text message and against my better judgment and usual style, I hit send. It took him an HOUR AND A HALF to respond.
He apologized for hurting me and said that he was always honest with me. I responded, telling him that I know what his deal is and he knows what I want and unless something has changed, I don’t see any reason to talk. His response?
“If that is your wish, then so be it.”
Ultimatums don’t really seem to work out for me that well. Or they do…just not in the way that I want.
Over the 10 or so glasses of vodka that occurred on my living room couch this past weekend with another girlfriend mending a broken heart, I’ve come to the resolution that I’m done with the douchebags. Done. Done with douchebags, done with David.
I’m really bad at dating
I’ll just put that out there before explaining any of the events of this week.
Ethan…again
I slept with Ethan again. He happens to live across the street from my office building, so it was convenient to stop in there for an after-work cocktail, which led to him cooking me dinner, which led to drinks out in Hollywood all night with friends, which led to a lot of toe-curling and back-arching all night long.
We had a very frank conversation in the morning about how he realized that I would never feel about him the way he feels about me and that we could continue on this casual-sex adventure until he felt that he couldn’t take it anymore.
He really is a good guy. Sometimes I wish I felt more for him than I do.
Aaron
Yesterday, I had plans to have coffee with Aaron, a CEO of a tech company up in San Francisco. He was in town for a few days and I had given him some advice on his company’s product and I was assuming he was interested in hearing more about what I have to say. Only…..Aaron is really hot.
We ended up spending most of the hour talking about dating and what I looked for in a guy. I was tempted to direct him to my last post.
We sent a few emails back and forth this morning, but really, he lives in San Francisco. I’ve done the long distance thing and it’s not incredibly appealing to me. Having a go-to man in SF though, is an idea that I like. Maybe I could work that angle.
David
After the email back-and-forth with Aaron ended, I got a text message from David.
David is one of two guys in my life who have ever broken my heart. When he couldn’t find time in his busy work schedule to start seeing me twice a week after 5 months of dating, I walked away. It killed me to do it, but I like myself too much to be in a relationship where my needs aren’t being met. It’s been more than a month since I’ve spoken to him.
He texted that he had been thinking about me recently and wanted to talk. Being the stubborn girl that I am, I ignored his first two text messages, then gave in and offered him two options for evenings to take me to dinner and talk (knowing that dinners are hard for him to do). The only way he is getting back into my life is by crawling on the floor begging for forgiveness.
That bastard couldn’t make either night. I had to fight the urge to chuck my blackberry across the room. I refuse to talk to him anymore. I can’t go through this again.
I need a drink.
Who’s Qualified to Date You?
The best way to approach dating is like hiring someone for a position. This way you know what you’re looking for to fill the position and you don’t end up on the series of bad dates that I’ve been on recently.
Make it an opportunistic hire. You can get along fine without them, but if someone happens to see your posting and walk through the door that you think would be a magical fit, definitely give them an interview.
An interview that involves some tongue kissing.
So give it some thought, flesh out the details of what you want in a mate. Know what your “must-haves” and “nice-to-haves” are. Dating lot of different people really helps figure out what’s acceptable and what makes you want to lock your single self in your apartment and start collecting cats.
Here’s what’s on my qualifications list….
- Male 27-34, never married, no kids, no pets
- Witty and sarcastic. Must be a heavyweight verbal champion. I tend to scar people for life with my incredible wit, so thick skin is an asset. Must be able to take it and give it right back. Make me fall on the floor dying with laughter.
- Successful, confident and focused. Ivy league degrees preferred, MBA or JD strongly recommended. Career should be a strong driver in life. I really don’t want to see you that often, so get busy with work.
- Stylish and sophisticated. Look great in a sport coat and wear one often. Must know that sleeves tops or tank tops are never an acceptable form of attire in any environment. Ever. If you own a basketball jersey or have worn a sleeveless shirt out in public in the last year, stop reading now and walk away.
- Adventurous and well traveled. I want to hear stories about how you bungee jumped in Kuwait or climbed up mushroom mountain under the full moon on Koh Phagnan. Trips with your family to a resort in Hawaii don’t count.
- Party like a rockstar. You and your brahs should be popping bottles in Hollywood on the weekends. And don’t ever call them brahs. Especially not with a straight face or using the word “sweet” in the same sentence.
- I don’t ever want to hear about your feelings.
- A face and body that make me want to cry. Bonus points for running marathons in your spare time. I should have a hard time keeping my clothes on when you’re around.
- Must fuck like a champion.
Remember, hire slowly, fire quickly.
What’s on your qualifications list? Email me at Charlotte@insidestorydating.com
I just met her, she seems crazy, but I’m giving her another shot
Alright, so, I meet this girl at a bar a few weeks ago and we kind of hit it off just chatting about random stuff. So, I ask for her number and she gives it to me. Sounds great right? So far, it did!
I gave her a call a couple days later, playin the whole game the way it should be, and we start chatting. We talk about different things, like music, sports, dating, relationships, etc. First call in the bag, things are goin great, the girl sounds like a great catch so far. So, I say, what the hell, I’m going to give this one a shot and ask to dinner a few days from now.
I give her a call back the following night, we start talking again. I get into it about working and what a bummer the economy is. She gets into it about work to, being a middle school teacher, she had tons of stories about her “kids.” So, I ask her out to a Japanese restaurant, and the plot thickens.
We get to the restaurant, I order a bottle of wine, we start chatting and she starts drinking. Uh oh, Houston, we have a problem, WINO ALERT! This girl is downing the wine like she hasn’t seen wine before. Not only that, but its like this girl has never been to a nice restaurant before in Hollywood. Everyone that walks through the door, she is like “oh, who is that, they are getting seated right away, its gotta be someone famous.” I was getting sooo furious by this point, but, I try to keep my cool and I do. I pick up the check like any guy should on the first few dates and I think we are on our way, WRONG!
After I pay for the check, this girl wants to make sure we finish the bottle. At this point, I don’t want to drink anymore because I have to drive, want to be responsible, and don’t want a DUI. But, she is shooting the wine out of the wine glass like its beer out of a beer bong? Excuse me, I didn’t realize we just turned 21 and are in college again. She’s slurring all over the damn place and I suggest we get going. She is pretty trashed, valet pulls the car around, and we are out of there, finally!
I drop her off at her place, open the door to let her out, and as she is about to leave, we start to kiss. As she gives me the proverbial goodnight kiss, she starts to walk away drunkenly. Of course, I still think to myself…”I’m gonna give this one another shot.”
Isn’t an Introduction enough?
I fancy myself a “team player” and I like to fix up my friends with each other but when it comes to dating, a lot of people need way too much help.
Yesterday I told a guy friend of mine to check out one of my single girlfriends on MySpace because I thought they’d be a good fit. After looking at her pictures, he writes me back and says, “Please arrange a meeting with her in a casual non-blind date environment.” WTF? I never said I was planning the date for him! Did I mention that this guy is in his 40s? Hasn’t anyone ever told him how to sack it up, be a man, and ask a girl out on a real date?
Now I’m worried. If I let him plan the date on his own, he’ll probably do something really lame. On the other hand, I really don’t want to have to hold his hand all the way through the date set up. What’s next? Is he going to need me to come on the first date with him? Crap! Either way this is NOT looking good.
From now on, I’m going to have to institute an “Introduction ONLY” rule. If a guy friend can’t do something with that, he’s probably shit out of luck anyway. You’ve got to be able to close, that should be the lesson learned here!
Don’t Call Twice
If she didn’t return your call the first time, she’s not likely to return it the second. Don’t be that guy.
A couple weeks ago a friend of mine called me to ask a “female opinion” question. He had met a girl while waiting in line at a pizza place sometime around 3am after the club and without asking, she had given him her number. Now, he’s a good looking guy with a fancy British accent to boot, but when he texted her a couple of days later, he got no reply.
He had called me to ask if he should call or text again. Sometimes there are technical problems where people just don’t get the message.
It hurt me a little to say it, but I had to be honest. She got it. For whatever reason, she didn’t reply and it’s not going to do him ANY good to text again. It’s not a technical problem.
Sorry.
Don’t waste your time speculating as to why he or she might not have returned the message. The simple fact is that they didn’t and you need to get along with your life.
To drive my point home, here’s a recent string of conversation that I had with a guy, on text and IM over a few days:
Him (Dec 29, 2:01pm): What are u doing for new years?
Me (Dec 29, 2:18pm): Probably Hollywood.
Him (Dec 29, 2:22pm): Think I’m going to viceroy.
Him (Dec 29, 6:31pm): Bodega later.
Him (Jan 3, 8:30pm): Hi u
Him (Jan 4, 3:34pm): Hi charlotte
Him (Jan 5, 8:09pm): Should I keep trying
Him (Jan 6, 2:31pm): hi
Him (Jan 6, 3:02pm): nuthin?
7 unreturned messages. So far past normal it’s absurd. Get the hint. You’ve entered stalkerville. Population: You.
Do you and yourself a favor and make a rule that you NEVER call or message more than once. You gave them a chance and they didn’t jump on your fabulous self the first time, so they don’t get a second chance.
You’ll both be better off.
The 80 best movies about romance and dating ever!
So you’re sitting at home alone, feeling all lonely, and you want nothing more than to sit back, relax, and watching a emotional, sappy, or funny movie about dating. Or, you and your special someone are at home enjoying a glass of wine or hot cocoa and you want to cuddle up to a sweet date night movie. Well then ladies and gentleman, we’ve got ya’ covered! Here they are, in no particular order!
- Annie Hall
- Alfie
- Steel Magnolias
- Love Actually
- Leaving Las Vegas
- Along Came Polly
- Breakfast at Tiffany’s
- The Notebook
- Serendipity
- Garden State
- My Big Fat Greek Wedding
- Sideways
- City of Angels
- Fools Rush In
- Employee of the Month
- Eternal Sunshine of a Spotless Mind
- The Holiday
- Punch Drunk Love
- Kate and Leopold
- Hitch
- Romeo and Juliet
- Bridget Jones Diaries
- Sid and Nancy
- My Best Friends Wedding
- Notting Hill
- Chasing Amy’s
- About a Boy
- Indecent Proposal
- Fatal Attraction
- Swingers
- The Family Man
- Pulp Fiction
- How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
- 40 days and 40 Nights
- Failure to Launch
- There’s Something About Mary
- The Laws of Attraction
- Pretty Woman
- Wimbledon
- Jerry MaGuire
- Must Love Dogs
- Top Gun
- The Bodyguard
- American Pie
- Sleepless in Seattle
- You’ve Got Mail
- Titanic
- Joe vs. the Valcano
- Two for the Road
- Pretty in Pink
- Forrest Gump
- Dirty Dancing
- Ghost
- When Harry Met Sally
- The Wedding Planner
- The 40 Year Old Virgin
- How to Marry a Millionaire
- Deuce Bigelow
- As Good As it Gets
- My Best Friend’s Girl
- 50 First Dates
- Maid in Manhattan
- Elizabethtown
- Shopgirl
- What Women Want
- P.S. I Love You
- What Happens in Vegas
- Music and Lyrics
- Two weeks notice
- Say Anything
- High Fideltiy
- Can’t Buy Me Love
- 16 Candles
- Walk the Line
- As Good as it Gets
- It Could Happen to You
- Return to Me
- Sabrina
- While you were sleeping
- The American President
Which of these are your favorites?! Or, is there a sleeper pick that you have that we didn’t list! Tell us your favorites by commenting!!
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