Earth to Young Hottie: Don’t sleep with your boss!
Welcome back!
When you sleep with your married boss you run the risk of….
- Alienating yourself from your coworkers (Trust me, they know what’s going on.)
- Losing clients (They also know what’s going on.)
- Getting caught by their spouse (Guess what, you’ll lose this battle.)
- Getting fired (Exactly how you will lose the battle.)
- Getting knocked up (Your child probably won’t end up with the corporate keys or the fortune.)
- Getting dumped (If you still have your job, you will have to see him every day thereafter with a smile on your face!)
- Losing friends (…unless your friends want to hang out with you and Mr. Over 50 when his wife is out of town.)
- Being called out by his young child. “Mom, Young Hottie was over here yesterday when you were at the spa.”
- Spending more on therapy (You’ll probably need therapy to figure out why you have put yourself in such an ass-backward situation.)
- Losing the respect of those closest to you (Think: The Scarlet Letter – if you haven’t noticed, adultery is still looked down upon.)
- Catching quite a few STDs (You think you’re the only one he’s sleeping with?)
You may temporarily…
- Get ahead in your career (You’re not the only one getting…head.)
- Make more money (In some circles this has a term.)
- Have insider access to information
- Have more influence when it comes to decision-making
So I ask you, is it worth it?
Don’t take this as a threat – it’s just the honest truth as I see it. Unfortunately, I have witnessed quite a few of you who have dabbled in this arena. It is a steep downward slope and you will be the one torn apart and alone at the end of the day. I suggest putting your energy towards working for that raise and additional responsibility. Now that’s an idea!
Hottest Date Move
You can always find lists of what NOT to do when you are dating someone but how about a list of what TO do? I like the idea of leading by example so I surveyed some of my friends and asked them: What is the hottest thing that has happened to you on a date? This is what I found out – with much enthusiasm!
- My date showed up in her bar wench costume. It was a huge turn-on however not appropriate for the dinner out I had planned… we made due!
- After a few dates with a guy I randomly ran into him at a dueling piano bar. I was practically standing between the pianos (which means, the center of attention – and the bar was packed!). He walked right over, grabbed, dipped and kissed me in front of everyone there! We definitely got applause.
- Took a girl out and for dessert I ordered chocolate cake and port. There’s nothing better than watching a girl coat her mouth with chocolate and then sip port. I melted right along with her.
- It’s the little things – the guy I was dating pulled me into the hallway and grabbed a hold of the waist of my jeans at the button, pulled me towards him and said, “I just couldn’t take it any longer.” – so hot!
- One night I was cooking for my girl. She showed up in a long white trench coat. I asked her to help me in the kitchen. She dropped the coat, wearing nothing underneath – just heels, walked over, grabbed the dishtowel and tied it around her waist as an apron and said, “What can I do?” I was speechless.
- She put on Unfaithful (the Richard Gear movie)… don’t know how but that movie turns women on!
- While driving back from our third date we couldn’t keep our hands off each other so he pulled over and we enjoyed ourselves right there on the side of the road with cars whipping past us!
- I was feeling a bit lonely and so my ex girlfriend (ex only due to proximity and just the course life took) decided to fly across the country to hang with me for a few days (she was lonely, too)…Needless to say, it worked and it was pretty damn HOT!
- I was upset that I had to move into a small apartment with all these neighbors so close by so in order to help me get over the uneasiness, my guy opened all the windows and made me SCREAM! It was great. Hope the neighbors enjoyed THAT!
- My date and I were going out for some lunch and at the crosswalk, a boy stepped into traffic and my date jumped forward, grabbed the kid and got him out of the way of the oncoming traffic – may sound cheesy but it was totally hot!
- I was dating a massage therapist and a few weeks into it she invited me over… had the massage table set up in the living room, candles, oil, etc. Never had a better massage! She even crawled under the table and kissed me through the headrest while I was face down.
- Played a guy at pool and bet him I would win. If he won, I would to a “favor” of his choice. If I won, he would do a “favor” of my choice. He won.
- Since I was going away for two weeks I told the woman I was dating that when I get back we could have a “yes” date. Anything goes, neither of us could say no (within reason of course). She showed up with more toys and ideas than I knew was possible… but I didn’t complain!
- I was out with a woman I had been dating for a few months and we were having dinner… She left to use the restroom and when she returned, she handed me her panties under the table… she had removed them – a skirt and no underwear! Drove me nuts!
- One guy planned out an entire day in San Diego (we drove down from LA). He wanted to show me his favorite places, the ones that meant a lot to him. The end of the date he took me to MY favorite restaurant. Unbelievably sweet and wowed me.
- I was out with a girl back in the early 90s when I had long hair and she was teasing me. I went in to kiss her and she grabbed my hair and wouldn’t let me kiss her until she decided it was okay. Made me lose it!
- My girl and I were talking about our Celebrity List – you know the one where you list who you are allowed to sleep with if you get the chance – she told me Angelina Jolie was on HER list. Blew my mind!
- Met a woman and since we lived in different states the text messaging got a bit naughty… she once texted me, “just got a wax and can tell you the thread count of my panties”
Please add your own Hottest Date Move by submitting a comment below!
She is your girlfriend, she is not me
I have a lot of guy friends who I have been close with for years. I value and treasure our friendship and vice versa. I’ve seen them all through a lot: girlfriends, family issues, career moves, etc. I’m just one of the friends who they turn to for advice… more often when they are single but even during their relationships they have confided in me. Of course if half of their girlfriends ever knew what they talk to me about I wouldn’t have survived this long. Women are extremely protective of their men and of their relationship’s privacy – and don’t get me wrong – I completely understand and I’m the same way. The key is that my conversations with my guy friends remain just between the two of us. As they should. It isn’t something a guy should share with his girlfriend, or wife for that matter. The conversation is for my friend’s relationship’s benefit, not mine, and I am not trying to steal your guy away (although I can’t speak for all the “girl” friends out there). It helps sometimes for my guy friends to look at a situation from a female’s perspective and bouncing a few thoughts off of me. This leads me to another point….
Last week I was confronted with a situation: my friend, Jared, had a frustrating discussion with his girlfriend. Now I wasn’t there – I had no idea what had happened – but I was nearby. He immediately found me and asked me my opinion of a situation (without telling me that it had anything to do with his girlfriend). I answered honestly and apparently my answer was “better” than his girlfriend’s so he stormed off to tell her. Okay. Big NO NO. Regardless of who is overreacting and who is right, you should NEVER compare your girlfriend to your “girl” friend. If you do, what they will hear out of your mouth is, “I believe, trust and would rather be with my friend, X, than you – she is more important.” Yeah, bad news.
Additionally, a little over a month ago I was out with friends and at one point my friend, Charles, pulled me aside to discuss his girlfriend and since he was trying to keep it hush hush, of course his girlfriend noticed and got the feeling it was about her. My advice to this is, don’t try to have a conversation about your girlfriend if she is in the same vicinity as you. Maybe in the same square mile of you. Women have a great sense of reality and they will know in their gut and by the way you look, act, and breath that you were talking about them. Obviously, if there is a problem you should talk to your girlfriend about it – talking to friends isn’t enough if there is a problem. But please remember, when you do talk to her, just don’t tell her what I said. Wink.
Ideas for the Thrifty Dater
Since most of us have cut back our spending quite a bit, I figure we need to also cut back on our dating budgets. Sorry boys, put your limo driver and jewelry purchases on hold! Regardless of the amount of money you are able to spend, you can still dazzle your date. It just means you have to be a bit more creative. And who doesn’t enjoy being creative…?
In most cities there are ways to find out about events that are free or relatively cheap just by searching online. Below are a few upcoming events in major cities across the US that I would recommend looking into! Each one of these events or places would be a great place to enjoy time with a date. Paired with a simple lunch or dinner (maybe a picnic) or an eclectic food stop nearby, your wallet may still have a few bucks left! Of course, always double check with these venues prior to your date to ensure you have the correct information and times. If you need help finding events in your specific location, email me at oliva@insidedatingstory.com.
New York City
RockEM SockEM Art Rock Cabaret at Otto’s Shrunken Head
538 East 14th St. btw. Ave A & B
Free with Event Flyer
Date: Friday, February 14th
Time: 10:00pm – 4:00 am
Guggenheim Museum Soho
575 Broadway
at Prince Street
New York, NY 10012
Los Angeles
Free Fridays at Long Beach Museum of Art
Free Second Tuesdays at LACMA
First Thursdays at Huntington Gardens and Library. Walk the gardens and enjoy the art gallery. Noon-4:30PM
Free admission every day The Getty Center
Showcase of Claude Monet, Andy Warhol, Walker Evans, Eugène Atget, Edmund Teske and Weegee. Parking is a $10 dollar fee per car. Bring a picnic lunch and eat out in the picnic areas!
Chicago
Brookfield Zoo
8401 31st St, Brookfield, IL
A new polar bear cub is the star at this world-class zoo, free Tuesdays and Thursdays during the months of January, February, March, October, November and December.
Chicago Cultural Center
78 E Washington St, Chicago, IL
An architectural delight that is a magnificent showcase of literature, art and knowledge.
John G Shedd Aquarium
1200 S Lake Shore Dr, Chicago, IL
Free Aquarium admission September through February.
Enjoy!
The Men of Charlotte’s Online Dating Adventure
As you know,I recently tried taking the search for a great date to the interwebs. The results may have been disastrous, but have made for some great stories. So here it is…the lineup of men who managed to rope me into beverages and conversations with their online profiles.
Guy #1: Had a picture up that was apparently taken 5 years ago. Apparently before his face transplant. I knew immediately that I wasn’t attracted to him when I met him. Frankly, I wasn’t even sure that he was attracted to women. I figured I had to get drunk to enjoy the date. Of course I did. Get drunk, that is. I didn’t even come close to enjoying the date.
Guy #2: He looked great, totally physically attracted to him, his teeth were a little bit wonky and I spent a while staring at them. We seemed to have some good conversation. Then I realized the conversation was only good when we were talking about him. His ADD seemed to miraculously kick in every time the vein of conversation veered off of his life history. Next.
Guy #3: Total nice guy. Seemed really down to earth. Somewhat attractive, but I didn’t feel the urge to jump his bones. He clearly wanted a committed relationship, but I wasn’t that interested. I guess I should have realized that a big reason people use online dating sites is because they’re too old and tired for the bar scene. Yawn. Almost gave him a second date, but decided against it at the last minute. It would have been a waste of time for both of us.
Guy #4: Leprechaun. Seriously, I should have paid attention to that height field on his profile that said he was barely taller than my scant 5’2”. Somehow he got the idea that I was really into him and managed to find a way to hold my hand every time I pulled it away. I tried to tell him that I had to shopping so I could leave….he followed me and breathed over my shoulder trying to kiss me while I shifted through dresses. He mentioned that since he was Jewish, I could convert to Judaism. There was an awkward hug, during which he attempted to massage my back. He started planning our second date, which included cooking dinner together. He offered to cook the entre and asked me to bring a side. I was tempted to offer a side of hells no.
I promptly ran home and deleted my profile.
Sorry Match.com, but I just don’t think that it’s working out between us.
Online Dating – A New Breed of Men?
“Do I give the wrong signals?”
This is the question a friend recently asked me over drinks. I asked her to elaborate, fully knowing that her stories are usually quite colorful!
A few months back she decided to try some online dating. The tricky thing with online dating is that it’s a hybrid of blind dating. You never get the physical in-person first impression and the information you receive on the person is filtered. Whether it’s through a friend, family member or the person themselves, their story is somewhat constructed for you (leaving room for exaggeration and flat-out lies). Anyway, because of this, online dating starts way before the actual first date; a lot of questions and introductions may already be out of the way. But does this mean that the first date is more like a second, third or fourth? I would say no. My friend has encountered something that may change my opinion.
On two recent dates that began online, she had similar instances where both men assumed that things were progressing a lot faster than my friend figured. The first man took her out to dinner and midway through the meal asked her to join him, he had something to show her. She reluctantly left the table and followed him – to the back near the bathrooms – where she suddenly realized that what he wanted to show her was something she didn’t want to see. She hightailed it into the woman’s room, waited a few minutes and then returned to the hallway where her date stood, annoyed. She asked him point-blank why he brought her back there and he casually said, “Well I thought, you know, you could…” They went back to the table and he carried on the date, talking about his family, his child from a previous marriage, etc. My friend got the impression that he thought they were closer then she thought they were. Yes, she might know a lot about him but this was the first time they made physical contact.
My immediate impression was, well this guy was a sleaze bag or really lonely. Then my friend tells me about the other man she went out with….
They went out to eat and then went out to a lounge. Her date had some friends that were already at the lounge in a private booth. They hung with them for a while and suddenly my friend found herself alone in the booth with her date and he closed the curtains. He started kissing her and she was okay with it – she thought it was kind of sexy. Mid-make out however he stopped, got up, knelt on the table in front of her and unzipped his pants. Yeah. She was a bit shocked. She told him bluntly that she was absolutely not going there and he casually pulled himself back together, got up, opened the curtains and settled down. A few minutes later his friends returned and they all hung out for a bit.
So, my friend’s question remains, “Do I give the wrong signals?”
Since I have never dated her I can’t say if she is giving the wrong impression, however, I have never had a guy expect anything like that on a first date – before even leaving a public place! Maybe it is her. Or maybe there is a breed of guys who just think casual below the belt make outs are normal. Or maybe there is an interesting thing happening with online dating. Your first date happened weeks ago online: chatting, in an exchange of emails, in a phone conversation or sharing photos online. Regardless of all that, women (and I would assume some men) still need that face-to-face time to get to know someone. Whipping it out on the first real date is NOT okay.
The Approach
Throughout my life most of the relationships I have been in were initiated by me. I try to live by the motto: large risks mean large rewards. However, I do realize that to some people, just the act of approaching someone new means taking large risks: the risks of rejection and embarrassment. It might be comforting to know that there are different ways to approach someone and some ways aren’t as scary as one would think.
Side note: There ARE people out there that make the thought of approaching someone horrifying. For the sake of sanity, let’s rule out the jerks and stuck-up snobs we’ve all come across at one time or another. For every jerk or snob, there are many keepers, and they are the ones we are looking for anyway.
The Forward Approach
This is probably the scariest form of approach and only works for the confident people out there. Take my friend Malcolm for example; if he notices an attractive woman he will walk right up to her and strike up a conversation. The first goal in this situation is to see if you both share interest. Worthy of note, Malcolm breaks up his approach into a few separate instances. He will talk to this woman a bit and then leave. He returns a little while later and continues the conversation. It’s a bit like cat and mouse I suppose. This is how he gauges if she is interested. If she smiles and shows excitement when he returns, then he’s on a good track. Also, this takes the pressure off. He gives himself time to get to the point of asking her out. Guess what? Malcolm always gets a number and always gets a first date. You might be thinking, he is probably really good-looking. The truth is that, he’s quite average. What interests these women is his confidence, calm manner and slight aloofness.
The Analytical Approach
After a long relationship sometimes we lose the confidence to approach someone or the know how to do so. Or, maybe you’re just shy. The best tactic is to take the analytical approach. Act as a detective. As you discover more about someone you may feel more inclined to put yourself out there or even better, put yourself in a position to be asked out by him or her. For example, when a guy intrigues me, I usually test the waters a bit. Are you easy to talk to? Do you make me laugh? Do you listen to what I say? If they deliver in these areas then signs are good. The next step is to look at body language. If they are facing you, making eye contact, maybe even touching your arm, these are all good signs. At this point you are in a good position, but wait, you’re still not confidant enough to ask her/him out… At the least you should make it known that you are free and interested. Look for that eye contact, reach out and touch their arm, move in closer and tell them something in their ear. Make it as easy as you can for them to initiate the question, “Can I take you out sometime?”
The Magnet Approach
Approach doesn’t necessarily mean get up, walk over and plant yourself next to the person of interest. You can also “approach” someone by drawing him or her in. Put off a good vibe, make eye contact, send a smile across the room. It can be as simple as a walk by with a nod of the head. The point being, make yourself visible and get them to notice you. If you sit in a booth with your friends, how will anyone get an opportunity to speak with you? If you are shy this might be the approach for you. Actually, you can turn something you probably already do into a tactic. I’m sure there is a moment or two when you look at someone of interest. If they happen to notice you looking at them, take that moment to pull them in. Don’t panic and look away – that says “Creepy!” Nod or smile slightly and look away casually. If they smile back or look back at you later, maybe that will give you the confidence to approach them or better yet, give them the clue that you are interested and it will draw them in to talk to you. Who knows, you may find your seductive side!
So the next time someone tells you to “go for it” you don’t have to run for the hills to evade embarrassment. The risk may seem large but I’m telling you it’s worth it! Just do what fits your personality. But by all means, do SOMETHING.
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