Give In to It
Filed under: Advice, Dating, Stories, Tips, Top Lists, Uncategorized
Welcome back!
(go back to Chapter III)
Chapter IV
I left for business with only an iPhone in hand. Jim and I stayed in touch over email and through other online mediums thanks to my international data plan. I wished I had an international dating plan but I’d have to just wait it out. It figures that right when he gets the guts to ask me out I am whisked away on some crazy jet setting experience. I wasn’t even sure where anything with Jim would lead but I was sure I was being lead somewhere interesting and I wanted to partake. The emails and correspondence between Jim and I became more flirty and telling. He told me over and over how he missed my presence and how he couldn’t wait for me to return. He made more plans for my return and I told him I looked forward to it. I swear the anticipation that built was unbelievable but fun. I couldn’t wait to spend some time with him. A co-worker even noticed my attitude was different. I denied anything was up but she insisted, “Oh no, you are definitely taken by someone.”
Now, up until this point I had never even physically touched Jim. Although we had a friendship and we had spent time together, I had never even attempted to hug him or touch him in any way and he in turn kept his distance. As I said earlier, I was afraid to go there too early. The next thought that occurred to me was about physical attraction. There was such an emotional and intellectual attraction between Jim and I that I began to doubt there could be anything more. I did doubt my attraction to him. It wasn’t a do you think he’s good looking issue – it was a physical spark I was looking for – fireworks, butterflies, explosions. Is that asking too much? When all these thoughts entered my mind I was suddenly nervous to return. I thought – well maybe if I remain far away forever we can continue this affair of the mind and I’d remain happy. Of course I was delusional and that would never be satisfying. I’d have to face my fear. If you don’t allow yourself to be somewhat vulnerable you’ll never know what you could have. Living in fear means living alone and that is not what we yearn for. So, I jumped on a plane and made my way back home; I was ready to ignite the spark.
to be continued…
The Distance Dance
(go back to Chapter II)
Chapter III
As I realized what was forming between Jim and I we began to do what I call, the distance dance. I wanted to remain further than an arm’s reach away yet I didn’t want him to think I wasn’t interested. This turned into many flirty conversations but nothing overly obvious. There were a few times when he’d compliment me in a way that would both flatter me and make me tilt an eyebrow. He would say I was pretty. He would say I inspired him to work harder. He would say I was one of the most motivated and intelligent woman he’d ever met. 
Who wouldn’t be flattered? I didn’t return these compliments for two reasons. I’m not usually the type of person who verbally compliments someone (yes I need to work on that) and I was also unsure of how it would be taken. I had been keeping my physical distance and now I was also keeping my vocal distance. What was I afraid of? Looking back, I was afraid he wasn’t feeling the same way I was feeling. Silly, I know. I was also afraid to get involved with someone who was coming out of a long term relationship. All I knew was that I was intrigued; I wanted to see where things would go. I began to wonder how long this dance would last.
During this time I was also questioning my own feelings. What did I want? Was I really interested in Jim as more than a friend? Where did I see this going? The answers were obvious to me but I wasn’t ready to admit them yet. I have had so many relationships in the past start because I initiated them. I wanted this to be different. I wanted him to approach me. I want to know someone wanted me. I wanted someone to man up and admit it. Okay, flashing neon lights now: Ask me out!
Then Jim asked me to join him at an event (finally!), however, I was simultaneously hit with a business opportunity that meant traveling for some time. I would be gone for a while so any dating plans would have to wait – but was Jim asking me out on a date? I wasn’t so sure. My intuition told me yes but another part of me warned that it might not be a date and not to get my hopes up. I do put my career ahead of anything else, and Jim knows this, so I bought my tickets to head out of town that weekend. The realization that I would be out of contact for a while struck a nerve in me. In the last conversation with Jim before I left town, he told me he would really miss me. I finally gave in and told him I’d miss him as well, because I would. The distance dance would continue a bit longer.
to be continued…
The Friendly Meeting that turns Personal
(go back to Chapter I)
Chapter II
Now there wasn’t one instance where the friendship Jim and I began turned more personal. Over the next few months our lives became more entwined online, in social circles and in personal matters. We were talking and interacting on a daily basis. I learned that Jim had recently been through a break up. That relationship had been a long one – over 5 years. There were similarities between his just-ended relationship and a past long term relationship that I was a part of once upon a time. My thoughts about my experiences helped Jim understand the female perspective a bit more in his current situation.
He told me that he and his ex had lived together for most of their relationship. He also told me he thought they would eventually get married and have kids. In the end she fell out of love and decided to leave. Jim had no idea this was coming. It shocked and stunned him. It took about four weeks of transition (as she moved out) and trips to a therapist to get him to realize that the relationship had been ending for a while. His girlfriend had fallen into that very common comfort zone where she existed only as a half of the equation. She felt that she had lost herself and that the relationship was the cause of her not pursuing her dreams. Jim felt he was always supportive of her. Regardless of Jim’s support, his girlfriend’s thoughts and state of mind were her own worst enemy. Her unhappiness about her life turned into resentment and it ate a hole through the center of their relationship. She also never voiced her fears to Jim – the first rule in a relationship – open and honest communication.
Needless to say the break up was very hard on him and I talked to him about it for many days and nights. I learned more about him through these talks and although he and I became very close, I was careful to remain a supportive friend and not become too involved or invested in what was going on. He needed this time to reflect and heal.
I learned that his past girlfriend was younger than him by quite a few years which I found interesting because it seemed that I was about her same age. I didn’t really know how old Jim was. I thought about asking but didn’t. From other stories about his family I figured he was probably in his mid-thirties. More on that later.
Since he was offering up information about himself, I did so in return. Over these few months we developed a friendship. It was easy to talk to him and easy to ask for advice. I cared about how he was doing, how his career was progressing and invited him a few times to join my friends and I out and about.
Soon our conversations turned into more detailed conversations about relationships, sex, and what it is that we were looking for in a relationship. It was always hypothetical – well verbally hypothetical but I won’t deny the subtext. Although I felt a hint of something else there lurking between the lines, I tried to remain just a friend. If I were being honest with myself, and with you all, I’d have to say I remained on that friend level only because I was weary of his newly ended relationship. But there was something there and I was pretty certain it was mutual.
to be continued…
The Professional Meeting that turns Friendly
An introduction to this story is contained in the previous post.
Chapter I
I’m big into meeting new people, talking shop and helping those people who impress me connect with others. One of those people, Jim, met me for coffee one morning and after sharing business related information we found ourselves talking about our interests, our experiences and our lives. Jolted back to reality by the calendar notification on my phone, I realized our talk lasted two and a half hours. We both ran off to our respective meetings and engagements but we would keep in touch. I left there thinking, wow, I just met someone extremely intelligent, funny, hard working and with similar likes and dislikes to my own – need to keep this one close.
Ready to experience & learn?
I know I’ve been MIA for a bit but it’s because I’ve been in a whirlwind of a situation. I’m back and I’m ready to share. I am excited to tell you all because I think there are lessons to be learned and moments to be remembered. In all relationships, short or long, there are things you need to take away from the experience. If you don’t you will sit in limbo wondering why you are still making the same mistakes, seeing the same types of people, or why you still feel so alone. Grow from your experiences and help others grow as well.
Following this post will be a series of posts about my experience. Be sure to follow in order. I will number them as I go. Chapter I
RSS and Twitter!
