The Good Breakup
Welcome back!
Ethan and I broke up.
Bet you didn’t see that one coming. I know, I’m a bucket o surprises.
There isn’t much to say about it other than things didn’t work out. Oh well, at least I tried. Not really too many hard feelings on either side. We agreed to give each other some space for a while, but we’re back on speaking terms. Regardless of how things ended, we still would have to talk, since he cosigned on a rather large loan for me, which will have to be refinanced in 6 months to get him off the title.
Leave it to me to get legally entrenched with guys that I’m casually dating.
I’m pretty happy with the way that things turned out. He didn’t feel the need to completely cut me out of his life, steal my friends, mail be back gifts I gave him or sell any of my stuff on facebook.
That would be a more typical breakup for me.
Thanks but no thanks
I smell like single. There is no other way to explain how I get asked out by totally random guys as much as I do. At Starbucks pouring my half and half, in line at the DMV, checking out at the supermarket and even one epic incident of a man stopping his car and getting out to ask me for my number on the street.
While very flattering, they’re never even remotely dateable. Ever. For once, I would like the gorgeous man in the pinstripe suit I’ve been eyeing across the room to make his way over and strike up a witty conversation.
Unfortunately, my life doesn’t want to seem to work out that way, so I often find myself in the awkward situation of trying to explain that I don’t ever want to have contact with any of these dudes again.
Most of you ladies know that it’s not as easy as it may seem.
I’m a polite person and I really don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings by outright saying that I’m not interested. I’ve tried giving out a fake number but was once caught on that trick when I had my blackberry in my hand while we were still chatting and it failed to ring as he tried my number right in front of me.
Aaaaawwwkwaaaaaard.
I respect the fact that it took some courage to come up and ask a stranger for her number, I figure the most humane way is for him to call or text a couple times and when he gets no response to make up a million different reasons why I never returned the message.
Is this really that bad? If you have an idea of exactly how to politely duck out of giving someone your number, I’d love to hear it because I’m not really sure one exists.
Charlotte’s Dating Rules: Unfriend the Ex
Parting ways with someone who’s seen you wearing only socks is never an easy or pleasant experience. Trust me, I’ve been there on a few occasions and though it is usually me laying out the line “it’s not you, it’s me” , I do still feel the occasional pang when I see the new happy life of the ex in bright Technicolor on my facebook feed.
I’m often un-friended on Facebook before I even have the time to drive home after breaking up. Blocked even. I’m not sure what that says about me as a girlfriend.
I have recently come to the conclusion that unfriending is unfortunate, but a sad necessity of the situation. I don’t care about all of the hollering to the contrary, facebook or otherwise, you can’t be friends with your ex. There, I said it.
I would like to blatantly call foul on anyone that claims to be great friends with their exes. At least one of them is harboring some sort of itch to rekindle the flame. You can’t be intimate with someone and then go back to the world of discussing work and the economy, all the while keeping your hands to yourself.
I have only one ex that I consider a great friend and talk to on a regular basis. Sure, we talk about our respective love lives and give advice on new conquests, however, we live on different coasts and he often requests that I take my shirt off on my webcam and while I’m in town visiting ask if we can have “the sexy sex”.
So yeah, we’re friends.
If you are really intending on getting over an ex, unfriend them as soon as the relationship ends. It’s much easier to get on with your own life without getting happy glances into the life you just left behind.
The exception
I’m not even sure why Ethan still talks to me.
When we dated in the summer time, I was pretty awful to him.
Things between us started with fireworks. The thing I remember most about our first date was when we left the restaurant and he lifted me up and started making out with me against a car. And then several different cars after that. Sexy. I spent most of the following weekend lying semi-clothed on his couch. It was fantastic.
It started going downhill after we didn’t put any limits on how much we saw each other. We hung out 10 nights in the first two weeks we dated. One night in the first few weeks I ended up sitting on the sidelines of a basketball court in a community center in West Hollywood watching him play a pickup game with a bunch of sweaty investment bankers. I got mad at myself for letting him take me for granted and not giving myself enough time to focus on my life outside of him. That was just the beginning.
Things started unravelling from there and we broke up a month later.
We gave it another go around a month after that, trying to keep things casual and see other people at the same time. That came to an end when I started dating David and Ethan found out about it through a mutual friend of theirs. Ouch.
So it surprises me that he still talks to me, let alone wants to spend time with me.
After the recent incident with David and the text messaging, I decided that I really needed to give Ethan a chance.
I really did a complete 180 with him and it threw him for a loop at first. I went from being the girl who would constantly tell him to stop talking about his feelings to wanting to discuss a potential future with the two of us.
To pull a line from He’s Just Not That Into You…this story is the exception. I don’t encourage guys to wait around for a girl they’re pining for to wake up one day and realize what they’ve been missing all along. It rarely happens and you’ll waste a lot of your life waiting. Besides, I still have no idea how this will turn out in the end. He may just decide eventually that he can’t get over what happened before.
It’s been 2 months of dating Ethan so far and things have been really fantastic. The hardest thing to get used to is having someone that really would do anything for me.
God, that was so adorable I actually just made myself gag.
Charlotte’s Dating Rules: No Sex on the First Date
I’m no prude by any stretch of the imagination and I enjoy a good roll in the hay probably a bit more than the next girl, but when it comes to sex on the fist date, my advice is always a strong, resounding NO.
Put it away. There is nothing good that will come of it.
I’ve heard this thing about how a lot of people can’t separate love and sex and while that’s perfectly valid grounds to not give up the goods on the first date, I have other reasons.
First of all, respect the fact that it’s a date. One-night stands are a perfectly acceptable drunken phenomenon of the western world. It’s not really my cup of tea, but it has happened in the past and I don’t ever fault anyone for doing it. That’s a whole separate issue though. I’m assuming that since you’ve come to the conclusion that you would like to enjoy some polite conversation over drinks, appetizers and/or dinner with this new person (what we typically call a “date”), you’re somewhat more interested in what they have to say.
Oh, you’re not? Well then, go out with a group of friends, get drunk and then climb all over each other all night. A date is not really the optimal solution if you’re just looking for a good old wham-bam-thank-you-mam. Let’s not confuse the two situations.
Second, sex on the first date kills the build up. There’s nothing like that first time you do it with someone that you’ve had multiple sexual fantasies about. An insane amount of sexual tension can only serve to make that first time that much better. Let’s not try to factor love into things at this point, but isn’t sex just that much better when you’re doing it with someone you’re really passionate about?
And lastly, there is of course the fact that well, frankly when you gave it up on the first date, you took away the challenge for the opposite party. And let’s be honest. Sometimes that’s half the fun.
After the first date, you’re on your own. Whenever you choose to give it up after that is fine by me.
The Men of Charlotte’s Online Dating Adventure
As you know,I recently tried taking the search for a great date to the interwebs. The results may have been disastrous, but have made for some great stories. So here it is…the lineup of men who managed to rope me into beverages and conversations with their online profiles.
Guy #1: Had a picture up that was apparently taken 5 years ago. Apparently before his face transplant. I knew immediately that I wasn’t attracted to him when I met him. Frankly, I wasn’t even sure that he was attracted to women. I figured I had to get drunk to enjoy the date. Of course I did. Get drunk, that is. I didn’t even come close to enjoying the date.
Guy #2: He looked great, totally physically attracted to him, his teeth were a little bit wonky and I spent a while staring at them. We seemed to have some good conversation. Then I realized the conversation was only good when we were talking about him. His ADD seemed to miraculously kick in every time the vein of conversation veered off of his life history. Next.
Guy #3: Total nice guy. Seemed really down to earth. Somewhat attractive, but I didn’t feel the urge to jump his bones. He clearly wanted a committed relationship, but I wasn’t that interested. I guess I should have realized that a big reason people use online dating sites is because they’re too old and tired for the bar scene. Yawn. Almost gave him a second date, but decided against it at the last minute. It would have been a waste of time for both of us.
Guy #4: Leprechaun. Seriously, I should have paid attention to that height field on his profile that said he was barely taller than my scant 5’2”. Somehow he got the idea that I was really into him and managed to find a way to hold my hand every time I pulled it away. I tried to tell him that I had to shopping so I could leave….he followed me and breathed over my shoulder trying to kiss me while I shifted through dresses. He mentioned that since he was Jewish, I could convert to Judaism. There was an awkward hug, during which he attempted to massage my back. He started planning our second date, which included cooking dinner together. He offered to cook the entre and asked me to bring a side. I was tempted to offer a side of hells no.
I promptly ran home and deleted my profile.
Sorry Match.com, but I just don’t think that it’s working out between us.
You know what I would really love?
To hear your awful date stories. Start the week off right and unload some horror stories about the worst date you’ve ever been on. Give me some goodies that made you gag a little or think about pulling the fire alarm on the way to the bathroom.
Email me at charlotte@insidestorydating.com
How to survive the wonderful world of online dating
I had a little bit too much time on my hands while home for the holidays and I managed to do some serious damage on a few online dating sites.
First of all…I felt odd about the fact that I was meeting guys online instead in bars, the way that god intended. I really have no problem meeting guys in real life, but I just haven’t had much time to go out to bars, so the idea of thumbing through a catalog of men and seeing their pedigree up front was an idea that appealed to me.
A few of them look totally cute, educated, intelligent, funny, but as I’m learning, a 2-dimensional profile will never tell you everything that you want to know about someone.
I went on 4 dates with guys that I met online. None of them were fantastic, most of them plain sucked and one of them has left me with a sour stomach that made me immediately run home and delete my profile.
Here are some tips that I picked up along the way of charting this unknown territory.
1. Don’t be ashamed to say you’re dating online. When I actually opened up and talked about it, there were more people than I ever expected admitting to surfing the internets for true love. Or at least just a good lay.
2. Meet as soon as possible. Don’t talk over phone or IM. We as humans have this amazing ability to paint people to be exactly what we want them to be in our minds, so every little detail that they mention you will take as AMAZING PROOF YOU WERE MEANT TO BE.
3. Be honest with someone when you’re not interested. This is something you should follow in general, but it’s so much easier to ignore when you’re going out with people who you’ve met online. However, everyone’s 10 feet tall on the internet. I managed to get called a bitch for not responding to multiple text messages and IMs.
4. Don’t EVER commit to a dinner on a first date. There’s a pretty strong chance that you’re going to decide that you don’t like someone in the first 2 minutes. Dinner will only be an hour of your life that you will never get back. Extra points for mentioning something that you have to do immediately after the date so you have an easy exit.
5. Don’t get your hopes up. There is a much larger chance that you will spend the entire time crafting up extravagant schemes in your head so you can make a run for the door rather than thinking up names for your future offspring.
Even though I did have a somewhat awful experience with it, I’d still recommend trying it. I’m sure you’re a little curious. You only live once.
Some guys just make it so easy to say no
I’m clearly being tested on my resolution to not date the bad guys. Thankfully, they continue to make moves that are easy to resist.
Pierre sent me a facebook message, asking me when I was available to go for drinks. Drinks that I said I was good for TWO WEEKS AGO.
The last time I heard from him was when he had just gotten back from Paris. He happened to be in the office, for both a second interview and to discuss the terms of the purchase of his company. Before he came in, I got a text message saying that he was on the way to the office and wanted to know if I was interested in getting drinks soon. I wrote back that I was good for that week, just let me know when he was available.
Intense flirting, texting and grinning ensued while he was in the office and wasn’t talking to my boss. When he walked out, he shook my hand, gave me a sly smile and told me it was good to see me again, as always. That was the last I’d heard from him.
Until now.
With the added complications of buying his company and potentially working together, I told him that seeing him for drinks is obviously not a good idea. Not that I needed another reason to say no other than the fact that he took TWO WEEKS to ask me out.
I hope I can maintain this resolution when if we’re seeing each other every day.
Going for dinner with Ethan tonight.
David
I’m so done with David.
David is an entertainment lawyer who I started dating while I was still dating Ethan this summer. Unfortunately they run around in the same social circle, so they have some friends in common. Friends who may have let it slip that I was seeing both of them. I broke up with Ethan to start dating David.
He’s sexy and confident and would send me dirty text messages while I was at work. We had that great conversation style that just makes you smile for days after because you’re both so witty. He had a very busy work schedule, so I didn’t get to see him often, which was totally fine with me. I need my alone time and ideally I see someone I’m dating 1-2 times a week.
The best part though, was the sex. Best sex of my life. It’s hard to believe a 26 year-old can have that kind of skill, but his insane amount of confidence brought it over the edge.
I’m pretty lax about working around schedules for people that I really like, but after 5 months of dating, I was ready to take it up to the occasional 2 times a week with some cuddling on the couch, rather than just constantly going out for drinks, together or with friends.
In no uncertain terms, he let me know that he couldn’t commit to that, so I walked. Unfortunately, he didn’t try to hard to convince me not to go or put any effort into working me into his schedule.
That was almost 2 months ago. I’m not a girl that gets hurt often, but for the second time in my life, I found myself a little heartbroken. It still hurts to think about him. The text he sent on Friday was a little too soon for me to be unaffected by it.
After getting angry about his inability to apologize properly, I spent Saturday morning fuming. I composed a scathing text message and against my better judgment and usual style, I hit send. It took him an HOUR AND A HALF to respond.
He apologized for hurting me and said that he was always honest with me. I responded, telling him that I know what his deal is and he knows what I want and unless something has changed, I don’t see any reason to talk. His response?
“If that is your wish, then so be it.”
Ultimatums don’t really seem to work out for me that well. Or they do…just not in the way that I want.
Over the 10 or so glasses of vodka that occurred on my living room couch this past weekend with another girlfriend mending a broken heart, I’ve come to the resolution that I’m done with the douchebags. Done. Done with douchebags, done with David.
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