Give In to It

June 12, 2009 by Oliva San Loren · 2 Comments
Filed under: Advice, Dating, Stories, Tips, Top Lists, Uncategorized

Welcome back!

Chapter IV

I left for business with only an iPhone in hand. Jim and I stayed in touch over email and through other online mediums thanks to my international data plan. I wished I had an international dating plan but I’d have to just wait it out. It figures that right when he gets the guts to ask me out I am whisked away on some crazy jet setting experience. I wasn’t even sure where anything with Jim would lead but I was sure I was being lead somewhere interesting and I wanted to partake. The emails and correspondence between Jim and I became more flirty and telling. He told me over and over how he missed my presence and how he couldn’t wait for me to return. He made more plans for my return and I told him I looked forward to it. I swear the anticipation that built was unbelievable but fun. I couldn’t wait to spend some time with him. A co-worker even noticed my attitude was different. I denied anything was up but she insisted, “Oh no, you are definitely taken by someone.”

Now, up until this point I had never even physically touched Jim. Although we had a friendship and we had spent time together, I had never even attempted to hug him or touch him in any way and he in turn kept his distance. As I said earlier, I was afraid to go there too early. The next thought that occurred to me was about physical attraction. There was such an emotional and intellectual attraction between Jim and I that I began to doubt there could be anything more. I did doubt my attraction to him. It wasn’t a do you think he’s good looking issue – it was a physical spark I was looking for – fireworks, butterflies, explosions. Is that asking too much? When all these thoughts entered my mind I was suddenly nervous to return. I thought – well maybe if I remain far away forever we can continue this affair of the mind and I’d remain happy. Of course I was delusional and that would never be satisfying. I’d have to face my fear. If you don’t allow yourself to be somewhat vulnerable you’ll never know what you could have. Living in fear means living alone and that is not what we yearn for. So, I jumped on a plane and made my way back home; I was ready to ignite the spark.

to be continued…

Tags: butterflies, emotional attraction, fear, fireworks, flirting, physical attraction, spark, waiting game

Your Dating Life: Out in the Open and Definable?

March 12, 2009 by Oliva San Loren · 7 Comments
Filed under: Advice, Dating, Stories, Tips, Top Lists, Uncategorized

Single? Swinger? In a relationship? Engaged? How would you define your current relationship status online? If I was to answer that question in free form it would be: Seeing a guy who’s great in bed but not relationship material and dating another guy… we’ll see where that goes. I don’t see a status option that encompasses all of that so I pick “Single.”

Not only are we encouraged to state our status but we also allow our “friends” to post things to our profile publicly. It’s open season for cupid… and the rest of the world.

Part of the problem with this new scenario is interpretation. People don’t always see the humor, sarcasm, metaphors and context intended when speaking in 1s and 0s. So how do you read between the lines when interpreting what people post and how do you manage how others interpret what you post?

Here are a few recent scenarios I found myself in:

Three days before Valentines Day I get a message from someone who has been openly interested in me for years: “Would you consider flowers showing up at your house a romantic gesture?” My thoughts: OMG he’s sending me flowers, no he can’t do that! I can’t accept flowers from him! I wanted to type: DO NOT SEND ME FLOWERS. But after careful consideration I typed back, “Yes, that would be a romantic gesture.” Long story short, he was asking in regards to someone else (or so he says). I’m just glad I didn’t react and say exactly what I was feeling. It saved us both some minor embarrassment.

damage_control I recently went out on a date with a guy who I wasn’t physically attracted to in the least but he was nice and interesting to talk to so I went. After an awkward dinner and a fun show we hit up late night dessert. When we were waiting for dessert, he takes his camera out and asks the waiter to take our picture. He throws his arms around me and sports a huge smile. I didn’t look all that enthusiastic but I did smile. Two days after dashing into my house to avoid his goodnight kiss I see that picture, front and center on my profile online. Suddenly, I am interrogated by the masses… who’s that guy? Are you seeing that guy? Why didn’t you tell me you went out with someone? Not only is the picture public but the comments are, too! Thankfully I was able to delete the photo “tag.” In my book I tagged him a Big Loser.

As we all are, I have been reconnecting with old friends and in some cases, old lovers. Reminder, I’m listed as “single.” Most of these “new friends” are asking to meet up so we can reconnect. After setting up what I thought was a casual cocktail with a friend of an old lover (how complicated our lives have become!) I received a comment from him. I had posted some song lyrics, “And I’m just dreaming, Counting the ways to where you are” only intending for someone to recognize the song (how naive of me). “New friend” commented on this, “dreams will come true April 3rd, rest up!” My reaction: Uh oh, casual cocktails not so casual! And second thought: Shoot, current guy may see this – I’m innocent! After a deep breath and a sip of wine I decide to play this off as a joke until I can privately manage the situation. It’s all about damage control. I commented back, “You’re inviting George Clooney to drinks?” Let’s see how he likes them, cocktails!

My advice – keep it casual and light hearted online in your interpretation and in what you say. It’s not a place for those heart to hearts, let alone foreplay… leave that to phone calls, texting and one-on-one!! More on that later.

Tags: interpretation, loser, online, profile, relationship, status

The 80 best movies about romance and dating ever!

January 4, 2009 by Jonathan Rivers · 7 Comments
Filed under: Top Lists

So you’re sitting at home alone, feeling all lonely, and you want nothing more than to sit back, relax, and watching a emotional, sappy, or funny movie about dating. Or, you and your special someone are at home enjoying a glass of wine or hot cocoa and you want to cuddle up to a sweet date night movie. Well then ladies and gentleman, we’ve got ya’ covered! Here they are, in no particular order!