The First Date
Welcome back!
(go back to Chapter IV)
Chapter V
There wasn’t much settling back at home before I dropped a hint to Jim that I wanted to meet up. I was tired of keeping the distance. No more covert operations or digging through the trash… time to dive in headfirst and see just how serious this guy can be. I made a comment that I loved the food at Geoffrey’s. He bit. Fast forward – day of the date. We set a time but since I’m always running around like a nut, I was running behind. He texted me when he was heading over. After getting out of the shower and seeing that he was en route, I texted back, “Running late, ah!” Luckily he’s a great guy and took the hint. He responded, “Don’t panic, just text me when you’re ready.” Definitely took the pressure off!
He took me to dinner and to a movie. He was quite the gentleman and honestly, I’ve never been treated so well. He told me I looked beautiful. He held doors for me. He opened the car door when I got in and when I got out. He paid for both the dinner and the movie in such a flash that I didn’t even have a chance to pull out a card. I considered it a date, and I was pretty sure he did, too, but it was never discussed so there is always that doubt in the back of your mind. I was so thrilled and at that point extremely excited since all those signs pointed to it being a date.
When it was obvious to me that it was a date, I yearned for more. A handhold, touch on the arm, hug, kiss… Halfway through the movie I started getting fidgety. Multiple times I told myself, just reach for his hand, dumb ass! But something inside told me to wait. I wanted him to make that move. I wanted him to tell me how he was feeling.
On the way back to the car he says casually, So there’s something I realized I’ve never brought up in all our conversations…” Freeze. “I’ve told you about my most recent break up…” Oh no, what could he possibly tell me? “…but I was actually married right out of high school. We were together for 8 years and then she cheated on me. We were divorced and that’s it.” Swallow. Okay, so it’s not too big of a deal really. Just would have liked to be told this earlier. I told him, “Okay, thanks for telling me. No biggie.” I shrugged it off as a good piece of old news. Mental, phew!
On the way back to my house he asked, “Do you want to stop for a cup of coffee? I don’t want our conversation to end.” Melt! Good, I wouldn’t have to give up on some physical connection just yet. I told him, “Yes, I’d love to have a cup of coffee.” Finally when we sit down and order our coffee, he spills. Not the coffee, his feelings. Halleluiah! He tells me, “I don’t know how you feel about me or if you even considered this a date but I’m really into you and I have been since the first time I met you. If you aren’t into me, then I’ll let it go and we can remain friends but I need to throw it out there or I’ll never forgive myself.” Yes, a man actually said this to me. Jackpot! I told him I felt the same way. That mutual understanding and a kiss at the end of the night sealed the deal. I was dating Jim and I was happy.
to be continued…
Give In to It
Filed under: Advice, Dating, Stories, Tips, Top Lists, Uncategorized
(go back to Chapter III)
Chapter IV
I left for business with only an iPhone in hand. Jim and I stayed in touch over email and through other online mediums thanks to my international data plan. I wished I had an international dating plan but I’d have to just wait it out. It figures that right when he gets the guts to ask me out I am whisked away on some crazy jet setting experience. I wasn’t even sure where anything with Jim would lead but I was sure I was being lead somewhere interesting and I wanted to partake. The emails and correspondence between Jim and I became more flirty and telling. He told me over and over how he missed my presence and how he couldn’t wait for me to return. He made more plans for my return and I told him I looked forward to it. I swear the anticipation that built was unbelievable but fun. I couldn’t wait to spend some time with him. A co-worker even noticed my attitude was different. I denied anything was up but she insisted, “Oh no, you are definitely taken by someone.”
Now, up until this point I had never even physically touched Jim. Although we had a friendship and we had spent time together, I had never even attempted to hug him or touch him in any way and he in turn kept his distance. As I said earlier, I was afraid to go there too early. The next thought that occurred to me was about physical attraction. There was such an emotional and intellectual attraction between Jim and I that I began to doubt there could be anything more. I did doubt my attraction to him. It wasn’t a do you think he’s good looking issue – it was a physical spark I was looking for – fireworks, butterflies, explosions. Is that asking too much? When all these thoughts entered my mind I was suddenly nervous to return. I thought – well maybe if I remain far away forever we can continue this affair of the mind and I’d remain happy. Of course I was delusional and that would never be satisfying. I’d have to face my fear. If you don’t allow yourself to be somewhat vulnerable you’ll never know what you could have. Living in fear means living alone and that is not what we yearn for. So, I jumped on a plane and made my way back home; I was ready to ignite the spark.
to be continued…
Just Pull My Braids Already!
I realized today that my way of flirting is to give a guy a hard time. Now, I’m not one of those women who enjoy castrating men… I just enjoy some fun loving, sarcastic, pain in the ass nudging. Sometimes I do go too far and then I regret hitting that point. Men don’t like to be put down, made to feel like they aren’t good enough. When I cross that line, I’m being completely sarcastic but not everyone can take a joke, or in my case, sarcasm. What I’m really saying is, “You are talented, wonderful, and interesting,” but what comes out is, “You suck, you suck, you suck.” Or something like that. I assume these guys know they are great and that’s why I tease. But I’m wrong. Of course most of us aren’t 100% confident and a bit of that insecurity comes out in a guy when pushed enough, especially by a woman – even if it’s in good fun.
Why do I do this? That is what I was pondering today as I, yet again, was giving a guy a hard time. He even called me out on it! He pulled back, told me I was picking on him and then I felt badly and slightly embarrassed because he felt embarrassed. I thought long and hard about this. What did I expect out of the teasing? I expected to be teased back, a slight tug on a braid. This also horrified me. Why am relying on school yard tactics?
Then it hit me. I suppose I like strong men who challenge me back. I like to push them but what I really want is a push back. I want someone who is confident and who will take the lead even though I have a strong personality. I want someone to put me in my place when I’m being over aggressive. This doesn’t happen often if you can imagine. It’s not that I want an argument but I like good solid debates and discussions and when I’m being a pain in the ass, shut me up! I suppose the guy who I’ll end up with will be this type. I will continue to push, nudge and poke (within reason) until someone stops my mouth with a kiss.
It’s a good feeling to realize this. If I know how I am and how people react I can make sure I don’t cross the line. Also, I know what it is that I’m looking for. I don’t have to fear that I won’t know a good catch when he’s standing in front of me. You can’t find something you want if you don’t know what it is that you’re looking for. What is it that YOU are looking for?
Can I buy you a drink?
Thursday night I was out and about and a guy asked to buy me a drink. I figure this is probably the most common pick up situation out there so I will give you the play-by-play. Maybe you guys out there will gain insight or maybe you’ll be completely turned off by what goes through my mind in situations like this one – but I will be honest nonetheless. 
When I decided to close out my tab I left my group of friends and went up to the bar to do so. I squeezed in between two guys because if given the option when presented with a packed bar, I will find two guys and squeeze between them. This gives them the opportunity to strike up a conversation. Viola! The guy next to me says hi and asks me my name – works like a charm. We introduced ourselves and he asked me what I do. We had a simple exchange and then he asked to buy me a drink. Since I was planning on leaving (it’s was late on a week night) I turned him down and said no thank you but I’m heading out. He asked me who I was there with and also if I come there often (of course). I didn’t think it was a cliché thing to ask though as he said it pretty casually. I could tell he was interested in me and was going to try to keep me at the bar as long as he could with simple conversation. He was extremely pleasant and laid back, not aggressive or creepy so I was happy to chitchat. He asked me again if I was sure I didn’t want him to buy me a drink. At this point I asked myself, why wouldn’t I let him buy me a drink? I looked at him – really looked at him. He’s probably about 10 years older than me – not a problem. He’s a bit scruffy and extremely casual in his dress – not all too impressive but not a big deal. He has dark hair that’s kind of long and he’s slightly overweight – overall not my type. I declined the second offer. At this point I had learned that he was a paramedic so I reinforced my not having another drink with the fact that I was leaving and had to drive – this was true and I really had hit my drink limit. He said he hoped that he would see me back there in the near future. I said I’m sure I’ll run into him again as I liked the bar. I said goodbye and walked away with his gaze still on me. I liked that he stared after me. I also liked that I was the object of his affection for even just those few minutes it took to pay my tab. Mr. Paramedic will have to find someone else to play doctor with. Or, if I do return to that bar and he’s there, maybe persistence will win me over. I do like a fighter!
Your Dating Life: Out in the Open and Definable?
Filed under: Advice, Dating, Stories, Tips, Top Lists, Uncategorized
Single? Swinger? In a relationship? Engaged? How would you define your current relationship status online? If I was to answer that question in free form it would be: Seeing a guy who’s great in bed but not relationship material and dating another guy… we’ll see where that goes. I don’t see a status option that encompasses all of that so I pick “Single.”
Not only are we encouraged to state our status but we also allow our “friends” to post things to our profile publicly. It’s open season for cupid… and the rest of the world.
Part of the problem with this new scenario is interpretation. People don’t always see the humor, sarcasm, metaphors and context intended when speaking in 1s and 0s. So how do you read between the lines when interpreting what people post and how do you manage how others interpret what you post?
Here are a few recent scenarios I found myself in:
Three days before Valentines Day I get a message from someone who has been openly interested in me for years: “Would you consider flowers showing up at your house a romantic gesture?” My thoughts: OMG he’s sending me flowers, no he can’t do that! I can’t accept flowers from him! I wanted to type: DO NOT SEND ME FLOWERS. But after careful consideration I typed back, “Yes, that would be a romantic gesture.” Long story short, he was asking in regards to someone else (or so he says). I’m just glad I didn’t react and say exactly what I was feeling. It saved us both some minor embarrassment.
I recently went out on a date with a guy who I wasn’t physically attracted to in the least but he was nice and interesting to talk to so I went. After an awkward dinner and a fun show we hit up late night dessert. When we were waiting for dessert, he takes his camera out and asks the waiter to take our picture. He throws his arms around me and sports a huge smile. I didn’t look all that enthusiastic but I did smile. Two days after dashing into my house to avoid his goodnight kiss I see that picture, front and center on my profile online. Suddenly, I am interrogated by the masses… who’s that guy? Are you seeing that guy? Why didn’t you tell me you went out with someone? Not only is the picture public but the comments are, too! Thankfully I was able to delete the photo “tag.” In my book I tagged him a Big Loser.
As we all are, I have been reconnecting with old friends and in some cases, old lovers. Reminder, I’m listed as “single.” Most of these “new friends” are asking to meet up so we can reconnect. After setting up what I thought was a casual cocktail with a friend of an old lover (how complicated our lives have become!) I received a comment from him. I had posted some song lyrics, “And I’m just dreaming, Counting the ways to where you are” only intending for someone to recognize the song (how naive of me). “New friend” commented on this, “dreams will come true April 3rd, rest up!” My reaction: Uh oh, casual cocktails not so casual! And second thought: Shoot, current guy may see this – I’m innocent! After a deep breath and a sip of wine I decide to play this off as a joke until I can privately manage the situation. It’s all about damage control. I commented back, “You’re inviting George Clooney to drinks?” Let’s see how he likes them, cocktails!
My advice – keep it casual and light hearted online in your interpretation and in what you say. It’s not a place for those heart to hearts, let alone foreplay… leave that to phone calls, texting and one-on-one!! More on that later.
The exception
I’m not even sure why Ethan still talks to me.
When we dated in the summer time, I was pretty awful to him.
Things between us started with fireworks. The thing I remember most about our first date was when we left the restaurant and he lifted me up and started making out with me against a car. And then several different cars after that. Sexy. I spent most of the following weekend lying semi-clothed on his couch. It was fantastic.
It started going downhill after we didn’t put any limits on how much we saw each other. We hung out 10 nights in the first two weeks we dated. One night in the first few weeks I ended up sitting on the sidelines of a basketball court in a community center in West Hollywood watching him play a pickup game with a bunch of sweaty investment bankers. I got mad at myself for letting him take me for granted and not giving myself enough time to focus on my life outside of him. That was just the beginning.
Things started unravelling from there and we broke up a month later.
We gave it another go around a month after that, trying to keep things casual and see other people at the same time. That came to an end when I started dating David and Ethan found out about it through a mutual friend of theirs. Ouch.
So it surprises me that he still talks to me, let alone wants to spend time with me.
After the recent incident with David and the text messaging, I decided that I really needed to give Ethan a chance.
I really did a complete 180 with him and it threw him for a loop at first. I went from being the girl who would constantly tell him to stop talking about his feelings to wanting to discuss a potential future with the two of us.
To pull a line from He’s Just Not That Into You…this story is the exception. I don’t encourage guys to wait around for a girl they’re pining for to wake up one day and realize what they’ve been missing all along. It rarely happens and you’ll waste a lot of your life waiting. Besides, I still have no idea how this will turn out in the end. He may just decide eventually that he can’t get over what happened before.
It’s been 2 months of dating Ethan so far and things have been really fantastic. The hardest thing to get used to is having someone that really would do anything for me.
God, that was so adorable I actually just made myself gag.
You know what I would really love?
To hear your awful date stories. Start the week off right and unload some horror stories about the worst date you’ve ever been on. Give me some goodies that made you gag a little or think about pulling the fire alarm on the way to the bathroom.
Email me at charlotte@insidestorydating.com
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