She is your girlfriend, she is not me

February 11, 2009 by Oliva San Loren
Filed under: Advice, Tips

Welcome back!

I have a lot of guy friends who I have been close with for years. I value and treasure our friendship and vice versa. I’ve seen them all through a lot: girlfriends, family issues, career moves, etc. I’m just one of the friends who they turn to for advice… more often when they are single but even during their relationships they have confided in me. Of course if half of their girlfriends ever knew what they talk to me about I wouldn’t have survived this long. Women are extremely protective of their men and of their relationship’s privacy – and don’t get me wrong – I completely understand and I’m the same way. The key is that my conversations with my guy friends remain just between the two of us. As they should. It isn’t something a guy should share with his girlfriend, or wife for that matter. The conversation is for my friend’s relationship’s benefit, not mine, and I am not trying to steal your guy away (although I can’t speak for all the “girl” friends out there). It helps sometimes for my guy friends to look at a situation from a female’s perspective and bouncing a few thoughts off of me. This leads me to another point….

Last week I was confronted with a situation: my friend, Jared, had a frustrating discussion with his girlfriend. Now I wasn’t there – I had no idea what had happened – but I was nearby. He immediately found me and asked me my opinion of a situation (without telling me that it had anything to do with his girlfriend). I answered honestly and apparently my answer was “better” than his girlfriend’s so he stormed off to tell her. Okay. Big NO NO. Regardless of who is overreacting and who is right, you should NEVER compare your girlfriend to your “girl” friend. If you do, what they will hear out of your mouth is, “I believe, trust and would rather be with my friend, X, than you – she is more important.” Yeah, bad news.

Additionally, a little over a month ago I was out with friends and at one point my friend, Charles, pulled me aside to discuss his girlfriend and since he was trying to keep it hush hush, of course his girlfriend noticed and got the feeling it was about her. My advice to this is, don’t try to have a conversation about your girlfriend if she is in the same vicinity as you. Maybe in the same square mile of you. Women have a great sense of reality and they will know in their gut and by the way you look, act, and breath that you were talking about them. Obviously, if there is a problem you should talk to your girlfriend about it – talking to friends isn’t enough if there is a problem. But please remember, when you do talk to her, just don’t tell her what I said. Wink.

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