The Good Breakup
Welcome back!
Ethan and I broke up.
Bet you didn’t see that one coming. I know, I’m a bucket o surprises.
There isn’t much to say about it other than things didn’t work out. Oh well, at least I tried. Not really too many hard feelings on either side. We agreed to give each other some space for a while, but we’re back on speaking terms. Regardless of how things ended, we still would have to talk, since he cosigned on a rather large loan for me, which will have to be refinanced in 6 months to get him off the title.
Leave it to me to get legally entrenched with guys that I’m casually dating.
I’m pretty happy with the way that things turned out. He didn’t feel the need to completely cut me out of his life, steal my friends, mail be back gifts I gave him or sell any of my stuff on facebook.
That would be a more typical breakup for me.
20 Questions: When a Date Feels Like an Interrogation
Ah! That’s about all I can say at the moment about my date tonight…. Just give me a moment to gather my thoughts and I will unload! Actually, it wasn’t a date. You could call it an interrogation before you could call it a date!
I had never met this guy before – set up through a friend of a friend. First bad move. We decided to meet at Starbucks since I like to make blind dates a short affair in case the date is going horribly wrong (good dating rule). When we met he seemed very nice and we sat and talked for about 15 minutes. He asked me questions about myself and so I talked a bit to give him an idea of who I am and where I came from. I asked him a lot of questions as well but he kept asking about me. When my stories came to an end I asked him again about himself. He told me, “Well I was born in Mumbai, raised in London and I have been here for 10 years working as an IT consultant.” Then he abruptly stopped and said, “I’m really sorry but I’m extremely hungry, can I take you to get some food?” At first I tried to get around it but he was really nice and it was dinnertime so I gave in (broke my dating rule).
We went down the street and he ushered me into Chipotle. Yeah, Chipotle. First of all, I don’t even like Chipotle and secondly, he didn’t even ask me if I was okay with getting food there. We went in and he got us food even though I told him I didn’t really want anything. We sat down and he said, “So what questions do you have for me?” I said, “Well do you have family here? What do you do for fun?” He smiled and said, “No, ask me questions about me and what I’m looking for.” I thought to myself, well if you want to tell me certain things go ahead – who needs a prompt? I said, “I don’t know what you want me to say.” So he turned it around and said, “Well, there are certain things I want to know about you and you should know certain things about me. What are you like as a girlfriend?” What!? I replied, 
“As a girlfriend? I’m not sure I understand.” He tried to explain, “Are you passionate? Do you hold hands in public? Will you show affection in public?” I was really taken aback over these questions. I was in shock and he just sat there, all business, waiting. I slowly replied, “No, I’m not overly affectionate in public.” He got annoyed, “Why not? If I reached to hold your hand you would take it away? Wouldn’t you care?” I sat back and secretly pinched my arm under the table – was I having a nightmare? I tried to end the conversation, “Well I don’t know how to answer a question like that. When you are in a relationship and in the moment, you find these things out. You don’t just ask me if I’m the type of girl who will hold your hand and ask how I show affection. Those are things you spontaneously find out about a person if things feel right.” He responds, “Well, I think things feel right and so I just want to make sure you are okay with me touching you.” Okay, the end. I stand up and say, “I think I’m going to head out.” He gets really frustrated and asks, “What do you mean you’re leaving? Ask me questions, ask me.” I told him as calmly as I could without blowing a gasket, “I don’t have any questions for you, I don’t want to know any more. I want to leave.” He asks in an angry tone, “Would you go out with me again?” I really felt like I had stepped into the Twilight Zone. I laughed sarcastically and made a beeline for the door. He’s probably still sitting there wondering what went wrong.
The exception
I’m not even sure why Ethan still talks to me.
When we dated in the summer time, I was pretty awful to him.
Things between us started with fireworks. The thing I remember most about our first date was when we left the restaurant and he lifted me up and started making out with me against a car. And then several different cars after that. Sexy. I spent most of the following weekend lying semi-clothed on his couch. It was fantastic.
It started going downhill after we didn’t put any limits on how much we saw each other. We hung out 10 nights in the first two weeks we dated. One night in the first few weeks I ended up sitting on the sidelines of a basketball court in a community center in West Hollywood watching him play a pickup game with a bunch of sweaty investment bankers. I got mad at myself for letting him take me for granted and not giving myself enough time to focus on my life outside of him. That was just the beginning.
Things started unravelling from there and we broke up a month later.
We gave it another go around a month after that, trying to keep things casual and see other people at the same time. That came to an end when I started dating David and Ethan found out about it through a mutual friend of theirs. Ouch.
So it surprises me that he still talks to me, let alone wants to spend time with me.
After the recent incident with David and the text messaging, I decided that I really needed to give Ethan a chance.
I really did a complete 180 with him and it threw him for a loop at first. I went from being the girl who would constantly tell him to stop talking about his feelings to wanting to discuss a potential future with the two of us.
To pull a line from He’s Just Not That Into You…this story is the exception. I don’t encourage guys to wait around for a girl they’re pining for to wake up one day and realize what they’ve been missing all along. It rarely happens and you’ll waste a lot of your life waiting. Besides, I still have no idea how this will turn out in the end. He may just decide eventually that he can’t get over what happened before.
It’s been 2 months of dating Ethan so far and things have been really fantastic. The hardest thing to get used to is having someone that really would do anything for me.
God, that was so adorable I actually just made myself gag.
Charlotte’s Dating Rules: No Sex on the First Date
I’m no prude by any stretch of the imagination and I enjoy a good roll in the hay probably a bit more than the next girl, but when it comes to sex on the fist date, my advice is always a strong, resounding NO.
Put it away. There is nothing good that will come of it.
I’ve heard this thing about how a lot of people can’t separate love and sex and while that’s perfectly valid grounds to not give up the goods on the first date, I have other reasons.
First of all, respect the fact that it’s a date. One-night stands are a perfectly acceptable drunken phenomenon of the western world. It’s not really my cup of tea, but it has happened in the past and I don’t ever fault anyone for doing it. That’s a whole separate issue though. I’m assuming that since you’ve come to the conclusion that you would like to enjoy some polite conversation over drinks, appetizers and/or dinner with this new person (what we typically call a “date”), you’re somewhat more interested in what they have to say.
Oh, you’re not? Well then, go out with a group of friends, get drunk and then climb all over each other all night. A date is not really the optimal solution if you’re just looking for a good old wham-bam-thank-you-mam. Let’s not confuse the two situations.
Second, sex on the first date kills the build up. There’s nothing like that first time you do it with someone that you’ve had multiple sexual fantasies about. An insane amount of sexual tension can only serve to make that first time that much better. Let’s not try to factor love into things at this point, but isn’t sex just that much better when you’re doing it with someone you’re really passionate about?
And lastly, there is of course the fact that well, frankly when you gave it up on the first date, you took away the challenge for the opposite party. And let’s be honest. Sometimes that’s half the fun.
After the first date, you’re on your own. Whenever you choose to give it up after that is fine by me.
Ideas for the Thrifty Dater
Since most of us have cut back our spending quite a bit, I figure we need to also cut back on our dating budgets. Sorry boys, put your limo driver and jewelry purchases on hold! Regardless of the amount of money you are able to spend, you can still dazzle your date. It just means you have to be a bit more creative. And who doesn’t enjoy being creative…?
In most cities there are ways to find out about events that are free or relatively cheap just by searching online. Below are a few upcoming events in major cities across the US that I would recommend looking into! Each one of these events or places would be a great place to enjoy time with a date. Paired with a simple lunch or dinner (maybe a picnic) or an eclectic food stop nearby, your wallet may still have a few bucks left! Of course, always double check with these venues prior to your date to ensure you have the correct information and times. If you need help finding events in your specific location, email me at oliva@insidedatingstory.com.
New York City
RockEM SockEM Art Rock Cabaret at Otto’s Shrunken Head
538 East 14th St. btw. Ave A & B
Free with Event Flyer
Date: Friday, February 14th
Time: 10:00pm – 4:00 am
Guggenheim Museum Soho
575 Broadway
at Prince Street
New York, NY 10012
Los Angeles
Free Fridays at Long Beach Museum of Art
Free Second Tuesdays at LACMA
First Thursdays at Huntington Gardens and Library. Walk the gardens and enjoy the art gallery. Noon-4:30PM
Free admission every day The Getty Center
Showcase of Claude Monet, Andy Warhol, Walker Evans, Eugène Atget, Edmund Teske and Weegee. Parking is a $10 dollar fee per car. Bring a picnic lunch and eat out in the picnic areas!
Chicago
Brookfield Zoo
8401 31st St, Brookfield, IL
A new polar bear cub is the star at this world-class zoo, free Tuesdays and Thursdays during the months of January, February, March, October, November and December.
Chicago Cultural Center
78 E Washington St, Chicago, IL
An architectural delight that is a magnificent showcase of literature, art and knowledge.
John G Shedd Aquarium
1200 S Lake Shore Dr, Chicago, IL
Free Aquarium admission September through February.
Enjoy!
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