The Friendly Meeting that turns Personal
Welcome back!
(go back to Chapter I)
Chapter II
Now there wasn’t one instance where the friendship Jim and I began turned more personal. Over the next few months our lives became more entwined online, in social circles and in personal matters. We were talking and interacting on a daily basis. I learned that Jim had recently been through a break up. That relationship had been a long one – over 5 years. There were similarities between his just-ended relationship and a past long term relationship that I was a part of once upon a time. My thoughts about my experiences helped Jim understand the female perspective a bit more in his current situation.
He told me that he and his ex had lived together for most of their relationship. He also told me he thought they would eventually get married and have kids. In the end she fell out of love and decided to leave. Jim had no idea this was coming. It shocked and stunned him. It took about four weeks of transition (as she moved out) and trips to a therapist to get him to realize that the relationship had been ending for a while. His girlfriend had fallen into that very common comfort zone where she existed only as a half of the equation. She felt that she had lost herself and that the relationship was the cause of her not pursuing her dreams. Jim felt he was always supportive of her. Regardless of Jim’s support, his girlfriend’s thoughts and state of mind were her own worst enemy. Her unhappiness about her life turned into resentment and it ate a hole through the center of their relationship. She also never voiced her fears to Jim – the first rule in a relationship – open and honest communication.
Needless to say the break up was very hard on him and I talked to him about it for many days and nights. I learned more about him through these talks and although he and I became very close, I was careful to remain a supportive friend and not become too involved or invested in what was going on. He needed this time to reflect and heal.
I learned that his past girlfriend was younger than him by quite a few years which I found interesting because it seemed that I was about her same age. I didn’t really know how old Jim was. I thought about asking but didn’t. From other stories about his family I figured he was probably in his mid-thirties. More on that later.
Since he was offering up information about himself, I did so in return. Over these few months we developed a friendship. It was easy to talk to him and easy to ask for advice. I cared about how he was doing, how his career was progressing and invited him a few times to join my friends and I out and about.
Soon our conversations turned into more detailed conversations about relationships, sex, and what it is that we were looking for in a relationship. It was always hypothetical – well verbally hypothetical but I won’t deny the subtext. Although I felt a hint of something else there lurking between the lines, I tried to remain just a friend. If I were being honest with myself, and with you all, I’d have to say I remained on that friend level only because I was weary of his newly ended relationship. But there was something there and I was pretty certain it was mutual.
to be continued…
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