Give In to It
Filed under: Advice, Dating, Stories, Tips, Top Lists, Uncategorized
Welcome back!
(go back to Chapter III)
Chapter IV
I left for business with only an iPhone in hand. Jim and I stayed in touch over email and through other online mediums thanks to my international data plan. I wished I had an international dating plan but I’d have to just wait it out. It figures that right when he gets the guts to ask me out I am whisked away on some crazy jet setting experience. I wasn’t even sure where anything with Jim would lead but I was sure I was being lead somewhere interesting and I wanted to partake. The emails and correspondence between Jim and I became more flirty and telling. He told me over and over how he missed my presence and how he couldn’t wait for me to return. He made more plans for my return and I told him I looked forward to it. I swear the anticipation that built was unbelievable but fun. I couldn’t wait to spend some time with him. A co-worker even noticed my attitude was different. I denied anything was up but she insisted, “Oh no, you are definitely taken by someone.”
Now, up until this point I had never even physically touched Jim. Although we had a friendship and we had spent time together, I had never even attempted to hug him or touch him in any way and he in turn kept his distance. As I said earlier, I was afraid to go there too early. The next thought that occurred to me was about physical attraction. There was such an emotional and intellectual attraction between Jim and I that I began to doubt there could be anything more. I did doubt my attraction to him. It wasn’t a do you think he’s good looking issue – it was a physical spark I was looking for – fireworks, butterflies, explosions. Is that asking too much? When all these thoughts entered my mind I was suddenly nervous to return. I thought – well maybe if I remain far away forever we can continue this affair of the mind and I’d remain happy. Of course I was delusional and that would never be satisfying. I’d have to face my fear. If you don’t allow yourself to be somewhat vulnerable you’ll never know what you could have. Living in fear means living alone and that is not what we yearn for. So, I jumped on a plane and made my way back home; I was ready to ignite the spark.
to be continued…
The Distance Dance
(go back to Chapter II)
Chapter III
As I realized what was forming between Jim and I we began to do what I call, the distance dance. I wanted to remain further than an arm’s reach away yet I didn’t want him to think I wasn’t interested. This turned into many flirty conversations but nothing overly obvious. There were a few times when he’d compliment me in a way that would both flatter me and make me tilt an eyebrow. He would say I was pretty. He would say I inspired him to work harder. He would say I was one of the most motivated and intelligent woman he’d ever met. 
Who wouldn’t be flattered? I didn’t return these compliments for two reasons. I’m not usually the type of person who verbally compliments someone (yes I need to work on that) and I was also unsure of how it would be taken. I had been keeping my physical distance and now I was also keeping my vocal distance. What was I afraid of? Looking back, I was afraid he wasn’t feeling the same way I was feeling. Silly, I know. I was also afraid to get involved with someone who was coming out of a long term relationship. All I knew was that I was intrigued; I wanted to see where things would go. I began to wonder how long this dance would last.
During this time I was also questioning my own feelings. What did I want? Was I really interested in Jim as more than a friend? Where did I see this going? The answers were obvious to me but I wasn’t ready to admit them yet. I have had so many relationships in the past start because I initiated them. I wanted this to be different. I wanted him to approach me. I want to know someone wanted me. I wanted someone to man up and admit it. Okay, flashing neon lights now: Ask me out!
Then Jim asked me to join him at an event (finally!), however, I was simultaneously hit with a business opportunity that meant traveling for some time. I would be gone for a while so any dating plans would have to wait – but was Jim asking me out on a date? I wasn’t so sure. My intuition told me yes but another part of me warned that it might not be a date and not to get my hopes up. I do put my career ahead of anything else, and Jim knows this, so I bought my tickets to head out of town that weekend. The realization that I would be out of contact for a while struck a nerve in me. In the last conversation with Jim before I left town, he told me he would really miss me. I finally gave in and told him I’d miss him as well, because I would. The distance dance would continue a bit longer.
to be continued…
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