PDA and Gossip: Old rules, New application
Welcome back!
We have to accept that our dating lives are very different today than they were in the 90s or the 80s. Our status is out in the open even if your settings aren’t set to public; you’re still virtually standing on your front lawn with a sign, “I’m in a relationship with Tom Delaney.” With this comes a set of rules that aren’t so different than the rules of dating in the past but we just have to work a bit harder to apply those rules to the new world.
The first rule is about PDA. Public Display of Affection is something most people agree is rude and just plain gross when pushed to the limit. Just as you wouldn’t suck face with someone while sitting in church or dry hump your significant other standing in the grocery line at the store, you shouldn’t be talking dirty or mushy online for all your friends, followers or stalkers to witness. What am I talking about? Those Facebook wall posts from boyfriend to girlfriend: “I miss seeing your face, I love you, I love you, come home soon.” Then the reply, “I can’t wait to see what you have in store for me…” Barf! Really, come on. We don’t need to witness your love and desire for each other. Put yourself in the position of the friends that have recently ended a relationship or who are bitter that they are alone. Or how about those of us who would rather NOT imagine you two doing the deed? Ever think of that? Rules on PDA are still in effect – this is the memo if you missed the last one.
The second rule is about business. No, not your job, your business. Even though we all have these outlets to spout our business, it is for us to create and control; we give what info we want and that’s it. Even though you are friends with me or follow me doesn’t mean you have the right to every bit of information about me. This is not middle school so keep your nose to yourself. And you know who you are! There is a difference between honestly caring about someone and just wanting to know the next piece of gossip. For instance, my friend is in a new relationship and they do have their status out in the open on Facebook like many of us do. Last week her boyfriend’s account was hacked and his status was deleted. This sent a shuddering ripple effect through the waves of Facebook and on her end, she is suddenly broadcasting to her 200 friends that she is no longer in a relationship. Not only do her real friends become worried but her Facebook friends get all nosy… and THEN her male Facebook friends, as if the full moon just popped up over the horizon, turned into meat hungry wolves and pounced. Seriously! She was mistakenly single for all of about 20 minutes on Facebook and she had 15 messages from the concerned, the nosy and the horny. Back off people! Even if it was a real breakup do you really think any woman is going to turn around, see all these concerned friends and take the bait? “Hey, sorry you’re going through a rough patch… come on over, I have a bottle of wine we can enjoy.” Right. Sure. Keep dreaming dirt ball! You are so transparent you now don’t even exist. Delete!
She is your girlfriend, she is not me
I have a lot of guy friends who I have been close with for years. I value and treasure our friendship and vice versa. I’ve seen them all through a lot: girlfriends, family issues, career moves, etc. I’m just one of the friends who they turn to for advice… more often when they are single but even during their relationships they have confided in me. Of course if half of their girlfriends ever knew what they talk to me about I wouldn’t have survived this long. Women are extremely protective of their men and of their relationship’s privacy – and don’t get me wrong – I completely understand and I’m the same way. The key is that my conversations with my guy friends remain just between the two of us. As they should. It isn’t something a guy should share with his girlfriend, or wife for that matter. The conversation is for my friend’s relationship’s benefit, not mine, and I am not trying to steal your guy away (although I can’t speak for all the “girl” friends out there). It helps sometimes for my guy friends to look at a situation from a female’s perspective and bouncing a few thoughts off of me. This leads me to another point….
Last week I was confronted with a situation: my friend, Jared, had a frustrating discussion with his girlfriend. Now I wasn’t there – I had no idea what had happened – but I was nearby. He immediately found me and asked me my opinion of a situation (without telling me that it had anything to do with his girlfriend). I answered honestly and apparently my answer was “better” than his girlfriend’s so he stormed off to tell her. Okay. Big NO NO. Regardless of who is overreacting and who is right, you should NEVER compare your girlfriend to your “girl” friend. If you do, what they will hear out of your mouth is, “I believe, trust and would rather be with my friend, X, than you – she is more important.” Yeah, bad news.
Additionally, a little over a month ago I was out with friends and at one point my friend, Charles, pulled me aside to discuss his girlfriend and since he was trying to keep it hush hush, of course his girlfriend noticed and got the feeling it was about her. My advice to this is, don’t try to have a conversation about your girlfriend if she is in the same vicinity as you. Maybe in the same square mile of you. Women have a great sense of reality and they will know in their gut and by the way you look, act, and breath that you were talking about them. Obviously, if there is a problem you should talk to your girlfriend about it – talking to friends isn’t enough if there is a problem. But please remember, when you do talk to her, just don’t tell her what I said. Wink.
RSS and Twitter!
