Charlotte’s Dating Rules: Unfriend the Ex
Welcome back!
Parting ways with someone who’s seen you wearing only socks is never an easy or pleasant experience. Trust me, I’ve been there on a few occasions and though it is usually me laying out the line “it’s not you, it’s me” , I do still feel the occasional pang when I see the new happy life of the ex in bright Technicolor on my facebook feed.
I’m often un-friended on Facebook before I even have the time to drive home after breaking up. Blocked even. I’m not sure what that says about me as a girlfriend.
I have recently come to the conclusion that unfriending is unfortunate, but a sad necessity of the situation. I don’t care about all of the hollering to the contrary, facebook or otherwise, you can’t be friends with your ex. There, I said it.
I would like to blatantly call foul on anyone that claims to be great friends with their exes. At least one of them is harboring some sort of itch to rekindle the flame. You can’t be intimate with someone and then go back to the world of discussing work and the economy, all the while keeping your hands to yourself.
I have only one ex that I consider a great friend and talk to on a regular basis. Sure, we talk about our respective love lives and give advice on new conquests, however, we live on different coasts and he often requests that I take my shirt off on my webcam and while I’m in town visiting ask if we can have “the sexy sex”.
So yeah, we’re friends.
If you are really intending on getting over an ex, unfriend them as soon as the relationship ends. It’s much easier to get on with your own life without getting happy glances into the life you just left behind.
Charlotte’s Dating Rules: No Sex on the First Date
I’m no prude by any stretch of the imagination and I enjoy a good roll in the hay probably a bit more than the next girl, but when it comes to sex on the fist date, my advice is always a strong, resounding NO.
Put it away. There is nothing good that will come of it.
I’ve heard this thing about how a lot of people can’t separate love and sex and while that’s perfectly valid grounds to not give up the goods on the first date, I have other reasons.
First of all, respect the fact that it’s a date. One-night stands are a perfectly acceptable drunken phenomenon of the western world. It’s not really my cup of tea, but it has happened in the past and I don’t ever fault anyone for doing it. That’s a whole separate issue though. I’m assuming that since you’ve come to the conclusion that you would like to enjoy some polite conversation over drinks, appetizers and/or dinner with this new person (what we typically call a “date”), you’re somewhat more interested in what they have to say.
Oh, you’re not? Well then, go out with a group of friends, get drunk and then climb all over each other all night. A date is not really the optimal solution if you’re just looking for a good old wham-bam-thank-you-mam. Let’s not confuse the two situations.
Second, sex on the first date kills the build up. There’s nothing like that first time you do it with someone that you’ve had multiple sexual fantasies about. An insane amount of sexual tension can only serve to make that first time that much better. Let’s not try to factor love into things at this point, but isn’t sex just that much better when you’re doing it with someone you’re really passionate about?
And lastly, there is of course the fact that well, frankly when you gave it up on the first date, you took away the challenge for the opposite party. And let’s be honest. Sometimes that’s half the fun.
After the first date, you’re on your own. Whenever you choose to give it up after that is fine by me.
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