The Men of Charlotte’s Online Dating Adventure

February 4, 2009 by Charlotte Daniels
Filed under: Stories

Welcome back!

As you know,I recently tried taking the search for a great date to the interwebs. The results may have been disastrous, but have made for some great stories. So here it is…the lineup of men who managed to rope me into beverages and conversations with their online profiles.

Guy #1: Had a picture up that was apparently taken 5 years ago. Apparently before his face transplant. I knew immediately that I wasn’t attracted to him when I met him. Frankly, I wasn’t even sure that he was attracted to women. I figured I had to get drunk to enjoy the date. Of course I did. Get drunk, that is. I didn’t even come close to enjoying the date.

Guy #2: He looked great, totally physically attracted to him, his teeth were a little bit wonky and I spent a while staring at them. We seemed to have some good conversation. Then I realized the conversation was only good when we were talking about him. His ADD seemed to miraculously kick in every time the vein of conversation veered off of his life history. Next.

Guy #3: Total nice guy. Seemed really down to earth. Somewhat attractive, but I didn’t feel the urge to jump his bones. He clearly wanted a committed relationship, but I wasn’t that interested. I guess I should have realized that a big reason people use online dating sites is because they’re too old and tired for the bar scene. Yawn. Almost gave him a second date, but decided against it at the last minute. It would have been a waste of time for both of us.

Guy #4: Leprechaun. Seriously, I should have paid attention to that height field on his profile that said he was barely taller than my scant 5’2”. Somehow he got the idea that I was really into him and managed to find a way to hold my hand every time I pulled it away. I tried to tell him that I had to shopping so I could leave….he followed me and breathed over my shoulder trying to kiss me while I shifted through dresses. He mentioned that since he was Jewish, I could convert to Judaism. There was an awkward hug, during which he attempted to massage my back. He started planning our second date, which included cooking dinner together. He offered to cook the entre and asked me to bring a side. I was tempted to offer a side of hells no.

I promptly ran home and deleted my profile.

Sorry Match.com, but I just don’t think that it’s working out between us.

Share it!