Your Dating Life: Out in the Open and Definable?
Filed under: Advice, Dating, Stories, Tips, Top Lists, Uncategorized
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Single? Swinger? In a relationship? Engaged? How would you define your current relationship status online? If I was to answer that question in free form it would be: Seeing a guy who’s great in bed but not relationship material and dating another guy… we’ll see where that goes. I don’t see a status option that encompasses all of that so I pick “Single.”
Not only are we encouraged to state our status but we also allow our “friends” to post things to our profile publicly. It’s open season for cupid… and the rest of the world.
Part of the problem with this new scenario is interpretation. People don’t always see the humor, sarcasm, metaphors and context intended when speaking in 1s and 0s. So how do you read between the lines when interpreting what people post and how do you manage how others interpret what you post?
Here are a few recent scenarios I found myself in:
Three days before Valentines Day I get a message from someone who has been openly interested in me for years: “Would you consider flowers showing up at your house a romantic gesture?” My thoughts: OMG he’s sending me flowers, no he can’t do that! I can’t accept flowers from him! I wanted to type: DO NOT SEND ME FLOWERS. But after careful consideration I typed back, “Yes, that would be a romantic gesture.” Long story short, he was asking in regards to someone else (or so he says). I’m just glad I didn’t react and say exactly what I was feeling. It saved us both some minor embarrassment.
I recently went out on a date with a guy who I wasn’t physically attracted to in the least but he was nice and interesting to talk to so I went. After an awkward dinner and a fun show we hit up late night dessert. When we were waiting for dessert, he takes his camera out and asks the waiter to take our picture. He throws his arms around me and sports a huge smile. I didn’t look all that enthusiastic but I did smile. Two days after dashing into my house to avoid his goodnight kiss I see that picture, front and center on my profile online. Suddenly, I am interrogated by the masses… who’s that guy? Are you seeing that guy? Why didn’t you tell me you went out with someone? Not only is the picture public but the comments are, too! Thankfully I was able to delete the photo “tag.” In my book I tagged him a Big Loser.
As we all are, I have been reconnecting with old friends and in some cases, old lovers. Reminder, I’m listed as “single.” Most of these “new friends” are asking to meet up so we can reconnect. After setting up what I thought was a casual cocktail with a friend of an old lover (how complicated our lives have become!) I received a comment from him. I had posted some song lyrics, “And I’m just dreaming, Counting the ways to where you are” only intending for someone to recognize the song (how naive of me). “New friend” commented on this, “dreams will come true April 3rd, rest up!” My reaction: Uh oh, casual cocktails not so casual! And second thought: Shoot, current guy may see this – I’m innocent! After a deep breath and a sip of wine I decide to play this off as a joke until I can privately manage the situation. It’s all about damage control. I commented back, “You’re inviting George Clooney to drinks?” Let’s see how he likes them, cocktails!
My advice – keep it casual and light hearted online in your interpretation and in what you say. It’s not a place for those heart to hearts, let alone foreplay… leave that to phone calls, texting and one-on-one!! More on that later.
Comments
7 Comments on Your Dating Life: Out in the Open and Definable?
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Jaime on
Thu, 12th Mar 2009 5:03 pm
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Elizabeth on
Thu, 12th Mar 2009 5:05 pm
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Katherine SOLOdotmom on
Mon, 16th Mar 2009 7:47 am
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Katie on
Tue, 7th Apr 2009 11:55 am
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PDA & Gossip: Old rules, New application : Dating Blog, Tips & Advice by Inside Story Dating on
Thu, 23rd Apr 2009 10:52 am
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Cuciximoaye on
Mon, 7th Sep 2009 8:47 am
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Satuyfaqeta on
Tue, 8th Sep 2009 8:34 am
OMG I totally agree with you! Things get misinterpreted all the time! I know people who didn’t do anything wrong and yet their relationship ended over suspicion of “facebook friends”.
divorced for five years and my elderly mom’s doctor kept asking me out when I would take my mom in for a check up or simple blood work. Finally after several months I agreed to dinner. The doctor is Indian. My son answered the door and came up stairs to tell me the “guy from 7-11 is here” which cracked me up but not my date. Arriving at the restuarant, we looked over the menu and making small talk was difficult with his accent. A few minutes into our arrival, he leans into my space and asks “do you kiss the penis” in a very fractured accent. I said excuse me, and he repeated the question “do you kiss the penis” I told him that was not conversation for pre-dinner, lets talk about it later, after dinner I made an excuse that I had to go home right away. I blew him off at the door and yet he called for months wanting to get together again. Creeper!
Great article. This is soooo true and we have to remind ourselves never jump to conclusions over a comment on a website profile/community network site. People can be carefree and meaning nothing – but it can be taken sooo wrong by an S.O.
Thanks for sharing good advice.
“Do you kiss the penis” hahahahahahha
[...] accept that our dating lives are very different today than they were in the 90s or the 80s. Our status is out in the open even if your settings aren’t set to public; you’re still virtually standing [...]
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